During my marriage I found that it was never truly safe for me to express anger.
Each time I would try to share my feelings, my husband would become defensive, angry, and soon… I would be apologizing for upsetting him.
We went on this way for years with nothing really being accomplished… nothing changing… it was frustrating for me to feel that I wasn’t being heard.
Each time he would deflect my anger I found myself becoming furious until finally, at the boiling point, I would bubble over and spew every hurtful word I could think of to show my frustration.
And what would happen then?
Things would become even worse because once I had expressed my anger inappropriately, I was full of shame and despair regarding my verbally abusive behavior.
Today I know that if I express my anger rationally, and someone chooses to fight from their shadow self, that it is not “on me.”
It is best not to take it personally but step away from the situation and give them time to think it through.
If they choose not to address my issue… then I can make choices to protect myself and change the boundaries of the relationship if necessary.
“Dear God, help me to express my anger appropriately. If I have concerns and frustrations let me share them with a calm mind and with pure intentions to make things right.”