July 18th: The Horizon

July 18th

I spent most of my marriage always looking towards the horizon:

When we have enough money to pay our bills… we will be happy.

When we buy that house we’ve always wanted… things will get better.

Once the children are a bit older… we’ll finally have some quality couple time together.

I was so busy focusing on the horizon that I never looked at the reality of the moment: that we loved each other but we were struggling.

Our day-to-day compatibility was faltering.

After my divorce, I continued on with my pattern, hoping that on the horizon I would find my perfect life:

As soon as I get my Master’s degree… I won’t have to worry about supporting my children.

As soon as I get in shape again… I will feel so much better.

As soon as I begin a new relationship… I will know true love and commitment.

Spending all of my time looking at the horizon, always looking ahead, keeps me from seeing what I must see: my life as it is today in the moment.

Sometimes, in despair, it is easy to fix a mark on the horizon and point to it…

But to live for the horizon… to constantly steer towards it without stopping to really look at things, assess my wants and needs, I am blindly walking towards a future that may be contrived of illusion and fantasy and not in my own best interest.

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“Dear God, help me to stay focused in the moment. Help me to use this present day to guide me in the right direction.”

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3 thoughts on “July 18th: The Horizon

  1. Such wise words, and it’s really so true, D. I kept thinking it will all get better, it will all work out, if I just make more money, if I’m doing more for him … whatever it was. Fact of the matter was I was doing all that, but we weren’t taking care of ourselves, our marriage, our communication “in the present”. Can’t believe the difference now, living each day, and being aware of “this day” rather than what is going to be or supposed to be!

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