July 19th: Progress, Assessment, and Celebration

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Today marks the fourth year of my daily divorce meditations and so, I pause to celebrate my accomplishment and assess my progress.

It is so easy to be hard on myself… to feel that I am still stumbling… still learning lessons I feel I should have already learned.

But, in this moment, I stop to be proud of all I have done to move forward in my spiritual process.

How different my life is today.

How happy I am today.

I would have never believed at the end of my marriage and the beginning of my divorce that I would ever find a way out of the pain and despair but I have done just that.

I have practiced so many important things that benefited my well-being this year, that in the past, I was never willing to do:

To admit that I was vulnerable and able to ask for help…

To thank others for being a part of my life…

For accepting multiple perspectives and learning to live-and-let-live…

For having courage and faith to make hard decisions…

And knowing that I am a work-in-progress and living life to the best of my ability each and every day.

It is never easy to accept a great loss and move on.

It is never easy to recover from heartbreak.

But time carried me through and taught me that I am stronger than I ever believed and that I can survive setbacks of the greatest magnitude.

“Dear God, thank you for giving me the strength to continue on. Thank you for guiding me out of pain and despair and into my new fulfilling life.”

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22 thoughts on “July 19th: Progress, Assessment, and Celebration

  1. I can’t help but comment here, on your very important day, and milestone. I never thought, despite the past few years of real agony in a 27 year marriage, that I would experience such grief and pain and be so mentally consumed by obsessive thoughts about what he’s doing and probably so joyous about, and how I don’t “deserve” to feel this way. And, then I get going on how I probably made the biggest mistake by not trusting my instincts, by giving in to feeling insecure, and avoiding the decision to end this relationship several years ago. Instead, I had to accept and endure his deceit and when revealed, basically “dumping” me, us, our life together as if it’s time to go on holiday.
    I’m only 10 days into the settling of our financial affairs for our divorce agreement, and the divorce will be final this fall. I don’t even know how to shut off the noise to sleep yet, and I’m sure many have been there too! I’m going to read through the archives here as well, and since I do enjoy meditating, I thank you so much for the solace your wise words and revelations bring. Your sharing of yourself makes one realize one has to get outside oneself to move on, while also focusing on taking care of “me”, and finding “me” again.

    • Patricia, I am so glad you commented.
      I remember being right where you are now. It was not an easy place to be and my heart is with you. When I was going through my divorce, I was having a conversation one day with a very trusted mentor and saying basically exactly what you just said in your post above. He could see how upset I was and said that this loss would be one of the most painful for me not because I was losing my husband… but because I had worked so hard on a relationship that I knew in my heart I should have let go of years ago. That statement hit home. I had stayed with my husband through all sorts of indiscretions and addictions, championing him to our family and friends, and when he left, he said absolutely every hurtful thing he could and then walked away…just as you said… as if he were on holiday and I was left mourning the loss of all those years… that time… that I gave things up for our marriage when I should have been taking care of me.

      I can tell you it wasn’t an easy pill to swallow… and my path to where I am now was a hard road to walk… I knew I could not get my time back but I learned very quickly that I was unwilling to allow him to steal anymore of my time by letting him live one moment longer in my heart or my head. As I worked through the pain and despair of my divorce, I also worked on becoming the “me” I had always wanted to be.

      And I want you to know Patricia… that everything I gave up in those years I now have… everything…

      Everything I wanted became mine once I was able to get through the pain, let go and move on… and my ex-husband? I see him now for what he is… and I love and care for him as the father of my children and someone I once shared a life with but… I can tell you… that everything he did to me Patricia… he has repeated with his new wife… everything.

      You WILL get through this… I promise… and my words are here for you to remind you that I’m on the road with you… I’m just up ahead… right around the next turn. D.

      • Thank you….Thank you.
        I can see so many times over, how I made excuses for him, and as the number of those situations escalated, how I shut myself away from our friends and family as self-esteem eroded. I have forgotten that thinking of “me” is okay. I am working on taking the leap of faith that I’m going to be okay and that I can train myself to shut off thoughts that are literally taking time away from developing a new life and causing so much distraction. Looking forward to “the next turn”!

  2. I love your daily meditations. I am glad that I found it. I am a year separated this month and soon to be divorced. I ma moving out of our home this month and it’s hard. The future is uncertain. It has been a walk of faith to say the least of it. I’ve learned a lot about myself after many years in a program of recovery. You have helped. Thank you.

    • Thank you so much. 🙂 I know how hard it is to be moving out of your home and walking into an uncertain future. I’m so glad you have your program to help you through… my program saves me time-and-time again. Remember that I am here for you. Everyday. 🙂 D.

  3. Wow
    I just realized the first comment and post I saw on your blog was a year ago … Already! I can’t thank you enough for being here , and I’m making positive progress because of kind and wise people like you. And I’m seeing my family and friends again , and starting a new business – so much more in my life now that I’m so grateful for.

  4. This post hit me like a ton of bricks, I the dumpee, after all I did for you, for us, I gave myself up for your well being. it,s been a little over a year and I am just now having days free of thoughts of him. I also work recovery program daily and am so grateful to start the journey of finding myself in my higher power. I have been to therapy and read many book on divorce and am so grateful for finding this daily guidance. I hear time will heal, for myself I have found that it’s what I do with that time, get to work and find the guidance to move forward. I hope to feel as the post of recovery mentioned. It have been great comfort to know that I am not alone in this journey. I pray that we all find peace serenity and the champion within all of us, God bless.

    • Robert… I have said so many times that while I was going through my divorce…. that I couldn’t stand when people would say “time would move me through” but that is exactly what happened! 🙂 It really did… I moved forward in my program… my spiritual footwork…. my work getting healthy and sound and soon… I was on the other side. I would have sacrificed all of my happiness for my entire life to make my ex happy and you know what? He never would have been happy… he unfortunately is still not happy in his new life. I really do believe that my higher power got me out of my own way so that I could move forward with the life I was supposed to lead. I feel my true self today and I am surrounded by people who want to support me in being successful. You will find your way too and I promise you… time really will move you through… I’m here for you… D.

  5. Hi D!
    This is two years that I’ve read your blog, and had posted on it for the first time. Thank you for continuing this blog over the past several years now !
    I would not have believed time would move this quickly. And perspective and healing has come with it. And still a long way to go , but with more joy 🙂

    • Patricia!!!! Here we are moving forward together… I just love knowing that…. 🙂 I’ve been thinking about extending the blog… (the first year… the second year…) or dating… of course you will know if I do! 🙂

      • I love knowing that too, D!! And if you extend the blog that will be terrific, and I’ll be there.
        Take care 🙂

  6. I I found this post this morning so comforting, it has been three years since my divorce, I was the dumpee, and today only through gods grace and mercy I am focusing on my relationship with my higher power and learning to place myself first. this divorce was a blessing in disguise, its been a rough road but the worst is over and I have hope to live life to the fullest. I am in recovery and know that it takes an alcoholic to help an alcoholic, I am a dumpee and know it takes a dumpee to help a dumpee,,thank for all for sharing it has saved my life, God bless and have faith that this to shall pass.

  7. Wishing you the best , DD !!
    I look forward to reading , commenting , and continuing to grow .
    Thank you for sharing your journey and wisdom .
    I can’t believe how the time goes . Tomorrow will be three years since I found you – you have helped me through more than you know 🙂

  8. I love reading these posts. I was recently away on vacation and couldn’t read them for a few weeks, I missed them. So often I feel you are in my head. Interestingly, my head seemed to have cleared during my trip. I realize I haven’t been ruminating on the past few years like I have been for so long. It’s been nice to finally have days without constant chatter in my head.

    • Oh Helene, I’m so glad. 🙂 And how nice to have a trip. I find that trips clear my head too. I actually just drove from Los Angeles to Chicago and back by myself. Across on the 70, down the old Route 66, and back on the 40. I didn’t listen to music the whole time I was driving. I just relaxed into the road and let my mind take a breather. Constant chatter wears us down and makes it hard to navigate clearly, finding ways to turn it off really helps. 🙂 D.

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