August 4th: Hope vs. False Hope

I had hoped that this wouldn’t happen in my life.

I had hoped that my husband and I would not divorce.

I had hoped that my children would not have to go through this painful experience.

I had hoped that something would change.

I did the footwork to prevent the divorce from happening.

I went to counseling, I worked on myself, I tried to meet my husband’s needs, I gave it my best.

I was willing.

I hoped that it would work… but it didn’t.

At first, I felt that I had failed.

That my hope had been pointless.

What good was hope if it didn’t bring the desired outcome?

I found myself filling up with despair.

Letting go of all hope for my future.

I only found hope in fantasy.

I hoped that we would someday get back together.

I hoped that he would call and change his mind.

I hoped that he would come home, come back to me, and be the man I needed him to be.

This was not true hope.

This was despair.

This was “false-hope.”

A make believe hope that I was using so that I did not have to let go.

So that I did not have to look at the reality of the situation.

So that I could live in my fantasy.

The fantasy of making my marriage work.

I had spent over half of my marriage hoping that we would not divorce.

I had spent over half of my marriage hoping that I could make it work.

I hadn’t been able to see that I had been living in false hope for a long, long time.

I had been living in fantasy for over half of my marriage.

I was so caught up in my idea of hope that I hadn’t even seen the signs.

My marriage had not been working for a very long time.

It was time for me to give up my false hope and have true hope.

I know hope that my husband will someday find peace and happiness in his life.

I hope that he finds everything that he could not find within our marriage.

I hope that I will find peace and happiness and everything that I could not find within our marriage.

Hope is believing, trusting that something good will come my way.

Hope is relying on my Higher Power to bring me the happiness.

Hope is trying your hardest, doing your best, and accepting the outcome of the situation.

You know that you hoped for the best.

Why would you hope for the worst?

Accept what has happened and find hope again.

Hope is trust in your Higher Power to bring you what you need in life.

To bring you to true peace and happiness, not the fantasy that was created by having false hope over something that was not to be.

“Dear God, fill me with true hope. Let me trust that things are exactly as you want them to be. Lead me out of despair and into reliance that you will provide for me what I need.”

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9 thoughts on “August 4th: Hope vs. False Hope

    • How is it that every one of these meditations hits my station and feelings square on the head?! This is truly my higher power speaking to me as every one I’ve ever read mirrors exactly where I’m at. Thank you. The pain and loss I’ve been walking through and helping my children manage the past six months is crippling. The daily meditations help relieve the pain one day at a time.

      • Gabrielle, I’m so glad you are finding solace in my words. I am here for you. I have been where you are and I promise you that you will get through this and get to the other side of the pain. Keep your focus on moving your forward and helping your children. 🙂 D.

  1. False hope has been, and still is, a major contributor to the pain I feel.
    Real hope — new people, activities , healing — seem so far away some days.
    As the finalizing of my divorce comes this fall, and with my husband having left a few weeks ago to be with his new love, I find myself losing hope at times. Will I ever find love and trust again after having them dashed?
    I don’t wish to be with him now but that fantasy hope you speak of wakes me at night with thoughts of… If only I could turn the clock back and repair the damage.
    Maybe we both wouldn’t feel it could be over…

    But it is. Real hope as you say is also accepting reality. I want to be able to do that- and know energy and happiness again.

  2. The hurt is still fresh…. happiness and energy AND love WILL come again… my life today is better than I could have EVER imagined Patricia… today…. I can’t believe that I held on as long as I did instead of letting go and having faith… but that is SO difficult to do when you are still attached to the life you had and the person you loved and gave yourself too… you will get there… I’m here 🙂 D.

  3. I so greatly appreciate your thoughts and support. I’ve sounded like a broken record the past few days (and the dialogue in my mind as well) . Taking action and also having patience with all this is a bigger challenge than I had expected! Thank you, D.

  4. You don’t sound like a broken record to me… I remember… I do… you are working your way through it and finding a way for your heart and logic to catch up to each other! Say it to me as many times as you need to!!!! 🙂 D.

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