August 7th: Decisions

I knew that my husband wanted a divorce but he wasn’t moving forward with the process. He told me in December, yet by mid May, he had still not filed the papers.

I believed that he had doubts about what he was doing and so, I didn’t push the issue.

I still had hopes that we could work it out… that something would change.

One day, I called my husband to speak to him about a commitment to our son. I was calm and centered as I spoke but as the conversation continued, it turned into one of our old battles. Once again, we could not resolve our issues.

I knew then, that I had to make a decision. I could sit around and wait for something to happen or, I could decide what I needed to do and go from there.

Sometimes, it’s okay to wait if you are feeling unsure, confused, or in a high state of emotion. In fact, it may be the best thing to do. Other times, it’s best to make a move, to take an action. I found that living in a state of uncertainty was more than I could handle. I could not wait one more day for my husband to make a decision.

I didn’t want a divorce but… in my many conversations with him I could see that for us, to get back together at this point in time, would not bring either of us happiness.

I called the mediator that evening and filed the papers the next day.

I felt simultaneously better and worse. Better… that I had followed through and made a decision. Worse… that our marriage had truly come to this.

Anticipating his moves had caused me so much worry and discomfort that I had been unable to move forward with my own life. It was a difficult decision, but one I had to make to salvage my own sanity and serenity.

“Dear God, guide me in my thoughts and deeds. If I need to wait before making a decision, help me to be patient. If I need to take action, help me to follow through.”

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “August 7th: Decisions

  1. I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of days and I find it very helpful, as it seems nearly synchronous to my current situation. This week, I made some decisions, too, about my relationship with my confused ex-husband. Thank you for posting such positive reflections that help motivate and encourage me.

    • I’m so glad my post is helping you through this difficult time. Just know that I’ve been through it… and I’m here with you! : ) D.

  2. Thanks for sharing this deedee. This brought me back to the painful time when I went through the same thing. My now ex-husband said he’d file and after six months my lawyer told me it was time for us to file. I was patient and it was actually harmful for me.
    I’m so glad it’s in the past. Making the decision to change my life, moving forward and staying on that path was tough. But I did it!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s