September 13th: Acceptance

After my husband left, I found that my divorce had filled me with an immense grief.

I missed so many things about my relationship.

I tried to look at the logic, the truth: that “we” didn’t really fit together anymore as “life partners.”

That we would both be better if we moved on, worked on our behaviors, and walked a new path…

but it just wouldn’t work.

I would miss one good moment we had shared and forget the ten bad ones.

Sometimes, logic can’t carry us through.

Sometimes we have to put logic aside and walk through our problems with acceptance.

Each time I caught myself thinking about the past, fantasizing about what “had been,” I allowed myself to enjoy the moment, relive my happiness, and then I said a silent prayer and thanked God for giving me that time with my husband. I accepted that THAT time had passed.

Acceptance is the bridge that carries us over our river of grief.

I found I had  to mourn the loss of what I loved, but accept that it was now over and that I would find wonderful new memories on the other side of the bridge.

“Dear God, help me to accept life as it is. Help me to let go of the fantasy of the past and walk bravely into my future.”

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6 thoughts on “September 13th: Acceptance

  1. I keep thinking I’ve reached acceptance, D, and then my mind suddenly falls back to the past without warning. Hard to shut off what I will do when my soon to be ex comes back into town soon (probably with his “new” girlfriend), let alone memories good and bad from two months ago or twenty years ago. It’s a wrestling match to shut those thoughts off! I sense acceptance is also learning to control those thoughts as well as giving up being insecure and trying to predict the future. Why am I so preoccupied with what happens next? Or what he’s going to do?
    Strange because I’m not thinking I wish we were back together, but I keep analyzing how to cope with scenarios that haven’t even happened!

  2. You are getting there… you are going to have good days and bad days when it comes to acceptance. It is hard to stay in a place of acceptance when you have been triggered. If you get a chance to read David Richo’s book (I have it listed under Great Resources) he talks about this… that book really helped me through the “acceptance” part of my divorce. Try to keep your mind in the present as much as possible… lately, I’ve caught myself repeating the Serenity Prayer at random moments and focusing on the line “and the courage to change the things I can” it seems to help remind me that change is not easy… that acceptance is not easy… but if I continue on with courage and conviction… I will make it through. 🙂

  3. No… you aren’t… you just have to keep talking it through and writing about it… I was the same… you are processing… obsessing is totally different! I can see you really working towards your future! You are doing great Patricia! Just keep going! I’m here for you. 🙂 D.

  4. It took a long time to allow myself to accept all was for the best. I kept thinking of those good times & longing for the past.
    But as I worked through the memories and the overall reality – it was so clear that we weren’t going to be life long partners…anymore.
    You are so right … Have to focus on moving forward

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