September 14th: A New Direction

I had been with my husband for so many years that when we began going through our divorce, I felt truly lost.

I felt like I had no direction and wasn’t sure where life was taking me.

Some friends thought this was great.

They could see endless possibilities in my future.

I could only see my fear.

I was scared of what lay ahead of me.

I had so many hopes and plans for both of us.

It felt like we had walked through so much together, that we had come so far as a couple, and then… our dream was snatched away.

I needed my own direction now but I found it hard to navigate in such emotional turmoil.

I decided that the best plan for me would be to work towards goals I had first set within the course of my relationship with my husband.

Those goals weren’t so scary; it wasn’t too much of a change to start working on them now.

I looked at what I had planned for myself during the time we had been together:

I had planned to get back in shape.

I had planned to be closer to my children by being in their day-to-day lives, and engaging with them more.

I had planned to return to school to get my advanced degree and I had planned to begin playing music again.

I made a conscious decision to work on those things.

I found comfort in the familiar.

These were goals, dreams that I was used to… I had set my sight on these goals for many years.

Now… was the time to act.

I began by exercising and eating healthy. I worked hard to take care of myself.

I spent time each day playing with my children or just sharing intimate conversations with them.

I went to the college and picked up my paperwork to apply for the graduate program and I began to play local shows with my band again.

It was a new start in the right direction.

Suddenly… I stopped feeling lost.

Sometimes change can be so big that we can’t bear it. But if we start with small, comfortable steps… steps that may have begun in our “former” lives… they can carry us over into our new beginning.

“Dear God, help me see your new direction for me. Let me have the strength to get out of my own way, and follow your path, the one that you have chosen for me.”

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4 thoughts on “September 14th: A New Direction

  1. Thank you for a great posting. I couldn’t have described where I am in this regard any better! My challenge is not to be too isolated while I look into a new career, and also get the nerve to go into areas that I didn’t explore (or “didn’t have time to”) during my marriage. I am beyond scared and taking tiny steps. I looking for my new path and have never felt this way before — I truly do not know from day to day, where life is going to take me.

  2. Yeah it’s funny… I was scared too and then I was like… “Wait a minute… I had planned to do this anyway before the divorce” and that calmed my brain down 🙂 D.

  3. I’m searching to regain the creative outlets and drive I had before. Still feel so, so tired some days dealing with memories, letting go, and all the “head chatter”.
    I have felt almost sequestered for the past few years my marriage and coming through the other side, — so it’s going to be new feelings, new friends, and a whole new direction.
    BTW love the music I heard on bandcamp; Hope you will always be writing and creating! And I appreciate, everyday, every bit of advice and support you have so willingly shared — I am starting to believe I will make it through.

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