September 22nd: Clarity

Often I would refuse to look at the reality of a situation because I was caught up in the fantasy: the projection, the image of what I wanted something to be.

It could be very addictive living in my fantasy.

It was a tantalizing distraction.

Attaching myself to the fantasy allowed me to focus my attention, my time, my passion on the object of my projection and away from myself.

Life was moving on… but I was not.

There came a time during my divorce; when I had a brief moment of clarity.

In that moment… I saw the relationship for what it was… and what it would never be.

The clarity came as a gift: a moment of calm understanding at a trying time.

As my divorce progressed, moments of clarity appeared frequently.

I began to step back from the fantasy of the situation, embrace the reality of my life, and move forward with a mind that was not clouded by distraction.

“Dear God, help me to let go of illusion and fantasy. Help me to see the reality of my day-to-day life and move forward on the path that you have chosen for me.”

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8 thoughts on “September 22nd: Clarity

  1. Between memories, flashbacks, and fantasies, I have found myself getting snagged in these. They seem to be more about grief and regret than trying to put things back together. But I have noticed moments of clarity that you mentioned and they bring momentary peace — it’s so hard to let go of what was real, and also what was, and is, wishful thinking. I’m hoping with time clarity will start to take the upper hand!

  2. Wow! I REALLY can understand that 20/20 is hindsight. There were times throughout the 25 years of my marriage that I prayed for clarity, whether it was clarity to reveal who my husband’s affections were wandering to or clarity as to why I couldn’t balance the checkbook and get answers to unexplained expenditures, or just clarity to remind me of who I truly was before we were together. I am now better able to separate the true memories from the fantasies I was envisioning. I am also able to clarify that neither of us desires to hurt the other, it’s just that he has been enabled by others (mommy, college buddies, me) for so long, that when I decided to no longer accept his misbehavior, he retaliated, as misguided beings do. I pray daily that I can continue to pray for the clarity that keeps myself and my children safe and that they can become better people for their own families and society.
    Thanks for letting me share. Have a stellar day!

    • I am so glad that you shared this because it is so true… now, over ten years after my divorce, the clarity that time has brought is amazing. I love my ex for who he is… but I know with absolute surety that our divorce really was for the best… for both of us… our life paths are so dissimilar today…. My wants and needs would not have matched his at this time in our lives. 🙂 D.

  3. For so many years I suppressed and denied feelings – I was a stranger to myself.I worked hard trying try to make my husband and kids happy. With my separation and divorce, I began to learn about myself and what I wanted from life. I became a new person.
    Looking back, I see my “old self” as a stranger and my husband, as well. I wonder what we ever had in common and how I spent so many years with someone who didn’t know me at all.

    My fantasy world is music. But it has helped me to discover so many things and I am thankful for my clarity. This post is so well written and true.

    • Thank you, Judy. Judy… lately I have been so tired I have been far away from my music and boy do I miss it. I’m looking forward to a bit of a breather where I can rest and create! My ex and I had a lot in common… I can see why we were together… but what we wanted in life over the long run was so different. I was blinded though by what I wanted and how hard I tried to make it happen! D.

      • Remember D, I was away from my music for over 30 years. When you come back to it, it will be glorious because we bring to music all of the longing from the time we were silent. You will get there when you are ready and able – it is waiting for you. 🙂
        I was so busy when my kids were growing up; I never imagined doing music. Now I’m savoring their progress and just wrote a song about it! Here’s a link for me to share (you’ll be one of the first to hear it.) I feel close to you since you and I have been reading each others thoughts for two years now!
        [audio src="https://judyunger.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/watching-you-grow-acoustic-9_20_14-b.mp3" /]

  4. Judy this is GREAT. I’m so glad you are playing again… My son is leaving on tour with Soko (a French artist… look her up I think you will like her) for two months…. man I remember how much I loved going on the road 🙂 D.

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