February 4th: Reliving the Past

Hoodoos at sunset in Dinosaur Provincial Park/Demoiselles au coucher du soleil, parc provincial Dinosaur, Alberta

Sometimes I catch myself playing out patterns of old behavior with new partners.

Something familiar in a new partner’s tone… may trigger an unwelcome response from me, due to a bad memory from my past.

Something familiar in a new partner’s manner may remind me of a time when I was treated poorly by my former spouse.

Most often, this person has done nothing wrong… nothing to deserve my negative response and usually, this new person has no idea why I suddenly became snappy… or distant… or sullen.

It is then that I must step back from my reaction and examine my feelings, acknowledge the trigger, take a moment to explain and apologize to my new partner for my outburst and accept that the past is the past.

If I continue to react to past events in my new relationships, I will not be able to maintain a loving and kind manner which my new partner so richly deserves.

If I am unable to move through my emotions and away from the past, then maybe I am not ready to move forward in a new relationship.

“Dear God, help me to be kind to those I love. Help me to let the past remain the past and move forward with respect to my new partner and my new relationship”

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4 thoughts on “February 4th: Reliving the Past

  1. I still have major triggers just hearing about my ex– it turns into an episode of living in the past — reliving the worst moments “greatest hits”.
    I’m conflicted at times because so much of me has moved on, yet I still have to learn each day to release this torment. I did meet someone recently not even for a date (not ready yet) and fortunately didn’t inflict any of this on them… but I could see myself doing comparisons about behavior, mannerisms, or certain things where we’re compatible… that’s a danger zone.
    I woke at 3:30 this morning with too much of all of this on my mind ..
    Need to replace those thoughts with meditation!

  2. Looked at this post from last year – the head chatter was still full speed. I was comparing to the past but wasn’t even capable of being my own self in the present .
    I’m exhausted just thinking about where I was then. Hadn’t let go of the grief and loss completely.
    The process of letting go takes so much time … But as you said – it all gets better.
    Not that my ex doesn’t come to mind , or I don’t hear about him occasionally … But those moments to stop me in my tracks for days or hours now . 🙂

  3. My ex and I have moved into a whole new place. I think the last time I saw him was maybe six months ago… I’m not even sure…. Our children are all young adults now and make their own connections with their father. I rarely think about him… I’ll ask my son how he is doing every once in awhile. He felt the need to see me and be about the house for a significant time period but now I think he is fine in his world. D.

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