February 5th: Commitment

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When I was first divorced, I found myself often missing my role of being “a wife.”

It was hard to know how to act on a date, a casual date, after being in a committed relationship for so many years.

It was easy to become intimate too quickly…

It was easy to have expectations based on my past commitment…

It was easy to want things to move at a pace that was far too aggressive for a new relationship.

As I began to heal, as my self-esteem became once again intact, I realized that I didn’t miss being a wife as much as I missed the title and that I was actually just role-playing in many of  my romantic interludes  just to capture a “feeling” of what I had once been to my husband.

I knew then that I wasn’t ready for a new partner… that I wasn’t sure what I wanted in a committed relationship… or how much I was really willing to give or give up for another person.

The truth was that I needed to put dating on hold and work on discovering who I was and what I truly wanted before I brought a new partner into my life.

“Dear God, help me to be honest in all of my relationships. Help me to be true to myself so that I can be true to others.”

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One thought on “February 5th: Commitment

  1. I’m in that place right now.
    When trust and a major commitment was broken down I realized I don’t yet know how I feel and what I expect of myself let alone a partner. Still sorting that out!

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