April 26th: Expressing Love

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When I was in my marriage, I often expressed love the way that I wanted to be shown love:

I gave words… freely, willingly.

I believed that by expressing my love to my husband verbally, I was giving him what he wanted: and affirmation of my love and commitment to him.

But what I found out after my divorce, and after years of spiritual footwork, is that there are several ways to express love and that just because I like words, affirmations, to prove someone is committed to me, it does not mean that my partner feels the same about that form of expression.

Today I know that when I want to show love to someone I care for it is best to find out what makes them feel most cherished and secure in the relationship:

Is it words of affirmation they need?

Do they prefer that I clear the calendar and spend quality time with them… no distractions?

Would they prefer that I show my love through simple acts of service, bringing them coffee? Cooking a nice meal on a night when they are feeling worn?

Is it a gift that they need? Something that truly makes them smile? A book they love but haven’t bought? A gift card to a favorite store?

Or would my loved one like some time alone. Some time to relax and unwind and not worry that I will be offended at their need for solitude?

A relationship is like a dance and I must learn how to move with my partner, to find our own rhythm and language so that our expression of love compliments each other’s needs.

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“Dear God, help me to express my love. Help me to give what is needed to those I care about.”

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3 thoughts on “April 26th: Expressing Love

  1. What’s so ironic here.
    Our marriage is over, and was probably over for a few years before we split. But the intimacy, the tactile, the words …were still there much of the time.
    It was so painful to understand the meaning of all of it when you’ve been with someone for so long.
    But if real love, trust, compassion are there… You do find that “dance” that works. Sometimes what you think you’re doing is right, but it rings hollow.
    I’ve learned a lot in the past several months of reflection on this. It’s been tough.😓

  2. I still feel the same way as my post last year.
    Without communicating and seeing / feeling what really counts … It can break down and neither one may realize it’s happening without expressing how one feels .

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