February 26th: Amends

February 26th-Amends

When I was first going through my divorce, I didn’t feel that I owed my spouse an amends.

I was adamant that the break was all of his doing… all of his choice.

I convinced myself that we were all suffering, our entire family, because he was completely at fault and totally unreasonable.

But, as time moved me through my pain, I started to see my part in things.

It wasn’t easy to look at the mistakes I had made, my character flaws that were suddenly so glaring, the harm I had done to my own husband, but it was an important part of my spiritual footwork and spiritual growth to be honest about my behavior in our relationship.

I found that at first, the only way I could make a true amends was to make a living amends.

So, until I was able to find the words “I’m sorry…” I choose to act in a kind, compassionate manner and think before speaking.

When I finally felt ready to make a verbal amends… I did so… and by owning my part and being honest about it with my former spouse, I was able to move on and open my heart to him once again.

Today, I take great peace in knowing that we are still friends, that he is in my life, and in the lives of my children.

Making an amends not only soothes the souls of those I may have hurt, but it also soothes my soul and allows me to forgive myself for the mistakes of my past, and learn how to behave differently in my future relationships.

“Dear God, help me to make an amends when needed. Help me to put ego and pride aside and heal myself and all those around me with humble and compassionate words.”

February 25th: Fear vs. Fact

February 25 Fear vs Fact

Sometimes, when I am worried about something, and don’t have all of the information to negate my feelings, I begin to operate on fear instead of fact.

I allow my anxiety to fuel this fear and soon, I am working through every outcome I can imagine hoping that in some way, I will be better prepared when I do know what is going on.

But the truth is… I am not becoming better prepared each moment I spend obsessing on a fantasy. All I’m really choosing to do is mentally spin my wheels, and waste my time, and a perfectly good day, ruminating on outcomes that may never come to pass on a fear…

that may not even exist.

I must make a conscience effort each day to wait for facts before allowing fear to take over.

I do myself a disservice, and everyone around me a disservice, if I focus on fear instead of calmly waiting for accurate information.

Then, once I know what I must deal with, I can logically work towards a solid solution if necessary.

“Dear God, help me to let go of fear. Help me to make decisions based on fact and to let go of a problem until I am sure of all it entails.”

February 24th: Surety

lake-district

For me, there always comes a moment in my life where confusion dissipates and surety sets in.

This surety sits with me in a way that lets me know it will not falter… it will not bend.

Often, I am not even aware that a particular issue has been weighing heavy on my heart at all or that I was in need of a change then suddenly, it is as if I hear a strong voice… a firm resolve state that yes… it is time to move on… move forward… change direction.

I don’t always like the sure answer that rings true in my heart.

I don’t always want to follow the path that has been put in front of me.

But… I have spent enough time working on my spiritual self to know that though I may not like the answer, the surety of the direction must be followed.

Life is not meant to be stagnant.

Surety provides the change that has been so long needed.

_

“Dear God, help me make the difficult decisions in life with a clear, clean conscience. Help me to follow the path even when I feel fearful of the change.”

February 23rd: Intuition

February 23rd-

After my divorce, I felt unsure of myself.

My inner foundation had been rocked, and I wasn’t sure about trusting my feelings.

It seemed that for many years I had followed my heart, followed my intuition, and both had done me a great disservice.

But then I thought back to how many times I had actually ignored the signs that something was wrong.

How many times had my intuition lead me towards uncovering the truth in my marriage?

How many times had I had a gut reaction that things were not as I hoped they would be in my relationship?

The truth was… I had been afraid to look at what was really happening.

I had been afraid to see that things were falling apart.

I had been afraid to admit that it wasn’t going to work.

Today, when I find my intuition stimulated by a certain person, place, or event, I stop and listen.

This is my soul’s way of reminding me that something is not ringing in perfect pitch… something is not spiritually aligned with my needs.

I must pay attention to these intuitive signs for they are guides leading me to the true spiritual path I choose to walk.

“Dear God, help me pay attention to your signs. Help me to be aware of the truth all around me.”

February 22nd: Inspiration

February 22nd-Inspiration

I never know where inspiration will find me… but… it always does.

Inspiration appears in the words of a simple conversation…

A line in a movie or a book that seems to resonate more than the rest.

It appears while watching people interact with each other… the emotions on their faces… and the connections I am privileged to witness.

Inspiration presents itself to me as a gift… a gift that takes away my pain, my despair, my lack of faith, my anger or frustration, if only I allow myself to be aware… present… available to it each and every day.

If I can look beyond my suffering and see what is all around me, and allow inspiration to invoke the creative force inside of me, then I become part of the whole… I become tied to everyone and everything and centered in my spirit.

“Dear God, thank you for the gift of inspiration. Help me to be present in my day-to-day life.”

February 21st: Insight

February 21st-Insight

It is a gift to be able to discern the true nature of a situation.

Years of spiritual footwork and reasoning through my own problems and mistakes with mentors I trust, has provided me with insight into my own motives… and the motives of others.

After spending time really looking at “my part” in things… it becomes quiet easy to see what I am no longer responsible for.

It also becomes easier to see when others are acting or reacting from their own “shadow self.”

Today, I am amazed at how often I can see exactly why someone has acted poorly, spoken cruelly, distanced themselves, or chosen to cling too closely.

By examining my own past, I am able to move forward with insight and therefore step back from a situation and show empathy, compassion, and kindness when it truly is most needed.

_

“Dear God, help me to see what is right in front of me. Help me to be kind when I find myself prepared to react.”

February 20th: Being Honest with Myself

February 20th

Sometimes I catch myself doing too many things, and it is then that I have to stop and be honest with myself.

I have a way of wanting to be there for everyone, working on too many different creative things, and keeping my plate constantly full.

It is admirable to live life “full force” to give my all to friends, family, colleagues, students, projects but… in the end… I have to stop and decide: What do I really want?

Do I want to be the best parent?

What does that entail?

Do I want to be the best teacher?

How does that look?

Should I be focusing on creative endeavors?

What would I have to give up?

And what about love?

How much of myself am I willing to give?

I don’t always like being honest with myself… I often times just want things to go on as is… without giving up anything… without making a decision… but the truth is…

Sooner or later… I will spread myself too thin… I will be too worn… and I won’t have enough energy left for anyone.

Life is about making choices… making decisions… deciding what really matters and putting all of your focus towards what you truly love.

Being honest with myself about what I want is the first step to a happier and healthier life.

_

“Dear God, help me to be pure in my intent. Help me to follow the path that leads to my true calling.”