January 16th: Silence

January 16th-Silence

In the past, I often wanted to talk things through until I felt there was a resolution.

But the truth is… often things cannot be resolved within one conversation or within a given time frame.

I always thought that silence was a sign that someone didn’t care enough about me to “battle” it  through.

I felt that silence was a sign that my feelings and thoughts were not worth talking about.

It seemed a punishment, a way to stonewall.

Today I know that silence is often the best choice when a situation is heated, or dismaying, and that time, and space often does bring a calmer conversation.

I have learned that when I hold my tongue, and wait, that often problems that seemed so looming and large are answered by just being quiet and letting things be.

If I catch myself trying to explain, trying to reason, trying to make a point, and yet not being understood… maybe it is time to take a step back, be silent, and allow the conversation to cool before approaching the topic again.

“Dear God, help me to remain calm. Help me to use silence to soothe a troubled moment instead of using words to fan the fire.”

January 15th: Rest

January 15th-Rest

During my divorce, I often found myself overly tired.

I was emotionally wounded and worn.

I was constantly distracting myself with activities to keep my mind from lingering in pain and despair.

It felt as if I was swimming against the current and exhausted from the effort.

Today, when I feel overtaxed, it is time for me to stop and look at what I need to do to allow myself to rest and recover.

It is not being selfish if I need to take a step back and take care of myself.

I can keep my current commitments, finish out my tasks, then clear my calendar and take the time to fulfill my own needs.

I am no good to others if I cannot manage to take the time to care for myself.

“Dear God, help me to put first things first. Help me to do what I need to do to be the best person that I can be today.”

January 14th: Surrender

January 14th-Surrender

It has never been easy for me to surrender my will to my Higher Power.

To this day, it is still a struggle to get out of my own way when I find myself emotionally attached to a specific person or problem.

But the difference is that today, after many years of spiritual footwork, I now see the signs of my need to control and quickly, although often reluctantly, pray to my Higher Power and give in.

“Giving in” to me in the past meant that I must be weak, I must be “giving up.”

Always the fighter, I thought that with all my “infinite knowledge and self-will” I must be able to force the solution I thought best not only for myself, but everyone else involved!

It is hard to detach when we are emotionally chained by love, lust, anger, frustration, pain or despair.

But without surrender, I find that I lose my way, I feel out of sorts, off my spiritual path, and today, those are signs that I must give that person, or that problem over to the care of God.

Today, I chose to surrender to my Higher Power’s will.

“Dear God, help me to give in without giving up. Help me to walk my spiritual path, completing the footwork that is necessary for my growth, while trusting that you are guiding me where I need to be.”

January 13th: Feelings

January 13th-Ego

Every so often I am reminded of my former marriage and life by friends through social networks that contain posts, texts, conversations, stories, or photographs.

Usually, I can look at the world I am no longer a part of… an accept it for what it is… and know that I made the right choice by moving on and creating a new life.

But sometimes, I find myself becoming overwhelmed with emotion and my heart feels like it is being “left out.”

I feel like I am now no longer… part of the group.

In the past when I felt these feelings, I would be unable to shake it, to progress past that moment in my day, and flustered and unsettled, I would end up letting my emotions ruin my serenity.

Today, after years of spiritual footwork, I am able to take a moment, allow myself to feel these feelings, and then make a running inventory of all the positive reasons I choose to no longer be part of that lifestyle… that world.

Feelings are just that… feelings.

They are not facts.

The fact is that I no longer want to live a lifestyle that does not fit my spiritual path.

I may have moments of regret, or emotion, but they will be fleeting and minor if I focus on the choices I made for my greater good.

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“Dear God, help me to put ego aside and move forward and away from a past that no longer aligns with my spiritual foundation.”

January 12th: New Beginnings

January 12th-New Beginnings

One of my favorite childhood writers, Lucy Maud Montgomery, once wrote, “Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it.”

I have remembered that line throughout my life, long now into my adulthood and loved the beauty and simplicity of the statement.

It reminds me that when I have a bad day, when I feel that I have failed, when I wish I had made better choices, that if I truly want to make a fresh start tomorrow… I will have one.

I like knowing that I can make a new resolution on any day of the year.

I like knowing that I can choose to be a better person on any given day.

When my heart is heavy with the choices I have made, it gives me hope to know that I can turn things around at any time with resolution, effort, and faith.

“Dear God, help me to have faith when I feel that I have failed. Help me to be resolved to try each day to be the best I can be.”

January 11th: Playing God

January 11th

Once, several years ago, I was sitting with a group of friends when we began talking about God.

One of my friends said, “Would you rather be God or trust in God’s plan?”

Everyone went around the circle saying how they would rather trust God, believe their Higher Power had things in hand, that they found peace in letting things work out on “God’s time” until the conversation stopped at me.

I was amazed at them all and said, “I would rather be God.”

Of course they looked at me like I had lost my mind until I explained my reasoning.

“If I was God, then I could stop my loved ones from suffering the consequences of any of their negative actions. I could walk through life without seeing any of the people I love get hurt, or make poor choices.”

For a moment everyone was quiet, as they acknowledged my point of view.

It has always been hard for me, to watch those I love make serious mistakes that lead to hard consequences.

But I know today, that hard consequences often lead to true spiritual growth.

Some lessons that need to be learned are not positive ones.

Some poor behaviors need to be repeated until, exhausted, we are willing to change.

When I find myself wanting to be God instead of accepting God’s will, I know that I must pray for faith, and pray that my loved ones find guidance on their own spiritual paths.

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“Dear God, help me to have faith. Help me to remember that I am powerless over the actions of others and that I must trust in your plan for each and everyone of us.”

January 10th: Sharing

January 10th

I found that during my divorce, sharing my secrets, my truth with people I trusted, helped me to get through to the other side of my pain.

Holding pain in, being afraid to speak openly about my fear, hurt, or frustration, only left me feeling alone and overwhelmed.

When I share my heart, others will respond.

They are the beacons I must follow on my spiritual path.

They guide me through the dark, by sharing their own history, their own painful past, the times when they felt they could no longer move forward due to lack of faith and despair.

The people I love and trust with my deepest worries and fears, help to illuminate the light of what my future holds.

They are there to remind me that I am not alone and that a better life waits for me if I am willing to be brave enough to speak up and let their love and kindness heal my pain.

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“Dear God, help me to be brave. Help me to let go of my secrets and share my truth with those who love me and long to soothe my pain.”