When I was first out of my marriage I found the roller coaster of dating… the moments of anticipated acceptance or rejection too much to handle.

If someone expressed interest I quickly pulled away afraid of intimacy.

Yet if someone remained distant and detached, I assumed that something was wrong with me, or that I must be the problem in the relationship or that I had just lost someone wonderful and in pain and despair, would feel terribly hurt all over again.

I decided that the best thing for me to do was to wait a good amount of time, at least a year, before dating or becoming intimate with someone again.

I had been married almost twenty years, and to know what I would want in a future relationship during a time period that was punctuated with pain, despair and my mourning the loss of my marriage, would lead to me making personal choices that would be unsteady and might prove to be unacceptable over time.

I realized that I was dealing with too many emotions and that even the comfort of someone new could not replace what I had felt for my long-time spouse.

I found that though I was often lonely for a partner, the solitude that time brought to me was a gift.

I was able to heal, learn, and move forward on my spiritual path.

In that way, I became sure and ready of what I truly wanted to look for in a new relationship.

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“Dear God,  help me to embrace the solitude. Give me time to heal and the strength to move on.”

I was talking to my friend this afternoon about a conversation that had upset me.

One of our mutual friends had done something that I felt was unacceptable: something unacceptable related to me.

My friend was acting as an impromptu mediator, trying to logically help me to understand a situation that had become emotionally charged.

She spent several minutes reasoning with me, calmly helping me to look at the situation from a different point-of-view, and hoping that it would stop me from reacting.

It did.

Later that afternoon, when I met my friend, the mediator, for coffee, I looked at her and said, “You are absolutely right. I totally understand both sides of the situation now and I’m choosing to wind it down…. let it go… not react.

I realized that my friend who I believed behaved unacceptably to me, was reacting out of hurt and anger, and that if I chose to escalate the situation, I too would only be acting from my shadow self instead of choosing to react with love and faith and from a higher spiritual place.

Sometimes it is hard to back down, back away, and look at emotional situations with logic and detachment but… it is important to see all sides of a problem, look at my part in it, and then choose whether it must be discussed or if it is something I can let go.

Today I know… that this particular problem… is better released with love and prayer…. that I should accept it and differing points-of-view… and let it go.

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“Dear God, help me to act with a loving heart. When I am struggling with perspective, help me to see clearly other points-of-view.”

It is important in life to savor moments of solitude.

Solitude calms my mind and allows me to process thoughts from my day.

Often, people think of solitude as a loneliness, an isolation, a negative, but that is not solitude.

Solitude is a quiet time, where I am able to reflect, pray, think, create, without being distracted by the outside world.

Solitude comes when I walk alone in the park, enjoying the beauty of nature.

Solitude comes when I enjoy the company of a good book.

Solitude comes when I create a beautiful piece of music.

Solitude comes when I allow myself to be soothed by my own company, content with my own friendship, alone with my own thoughts.

It rejuvenates me and revives me.

It helps me to gain perspective when I have lost my way, and provides relief from the chatter of the outside world.

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“Dear God, thank you for bringing me the quiet moments in my day. Thank you for the solitude that brings calm to my life.”

It is a great feeling to wake up in the morning full of joy, excited about the day ahead.

It is important to stop and acknowledge these moments of pure happiness and to celebrate all that the day will bring.

Often, I dwell on the melancholy of time… lingering in a beautiful moment… while focusing on the inevitable fact: that this too shall end… that this too shall pass.

Today, I choose to stay in the day…

I choose to let joy fill me entirely and keep my head in my happiness.

Today, I choose to step away from my problems and allow my spirit to soar.

I choose to live in joy, I choose to celebrate my life.

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“Dear God, help me to celebrate all that I have been given. Help me to see the joy in the littlest things, the smallest of moments.”

There are times when I want something so badly that I will force the timing.

I try to rush through activities to get a moment with a beloved friend.

I drop everything and change direction in a matter of seconds.

I check my phone or my email in hopes that I have been contacted regarding something I am longing for.

But… I have found that when I do force the timing, I often end up regretting it.

I find that my expectations are so high, that the actual event can’t meet my needs.

It’s wonderful to be so excited about specific people or opportunities but I must keep my balance so that I am able to manage down my expectations.

I must learn to wait for the time when I can really savior and enjoy the company of a good friend or an exciting event, instead of pushing it to happen at an inopportune moment, due to my impatience and inability to… wait.

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“Dear God, help me to know when to seize the moment and when to wait. Help me to be patient when the timing does not fit the occasion.”

I have found that during times of great despair, when I feel that all hope is lost, when my faith has left me, that giving my love and compassion to others restores my spirits and provides me with a sense of emotional stability.

In the past, I often became so entangled in my own problems, so obsessed with my own pain, my own struggles, that I did not stop to look and see how others could benefit from what I had been given throughout my life.

I have been blessed with many gifts.

If I choose to dwell in my pain, if I choose to live in despair, I am not walking the spiritual path my Higher Power has planned for me.

By showing compassion,

Passing on knowledge to others,

And giving of myself,

I am choosing to walk in hope.

I am choosing to embrace faith,

And I am helping others to move forward on their spiritual paths and out of their own despair.

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“Dear God, help me to be compassionate to others. Help me to share my experience, strength and hope with those in need.”

In the past, I often wanted to talk things through until I felt there was a resolution.

But the truth is… often things cannot be resolved within one conversation or within a given time frame.

I always thought that silence was a sign that someone didn’t care enough about me to “battle” it  through.

I felt that silence was a sign that my feelings and thoughts were not worth talking about.

It seemed a punishment, a way to stonewall.

Today I know that silence is often the best choice when a situation is heated, or dismaying, and that time, and space often does bring a calmer conversation.

I have learned that when I hold my tongue, and wait, that often problems that seemed so looming and large are answered by just being quiet and letting things be.

If I catch myself trying to explain, trying to reason, trying to make a point, and yet not being understood… maybe it is time to take a step back, be silent, and allow the conversation to cool before approaching the topic again.

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“Dear God, help me to remain calm. Help me to use silence to soothe a troubled moment instead of using words to fan the fire.”

During my divorce, I often found myself overly tired.

I was emotionally wounded and worn.

I was constantly distracting myself with activities to keep my mind from lingering in pain and despair.

It felt as if I was swimming against the current and exhausted from the effort.

Today, when I feel overtaxed, it is time for me to stop and look at what I need to do to allow myself to rest and recover.

It is not being selfish if I need to take a step back and take care of myself.

I can keep my current commitments, finish out my tasks, then clear my calendar and take the time to fulfill my own needs.

I am no good to others if I cannot manage to take the time to care for myself.

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“Dear God, help me to put first things first. Help me to do what I need to do to be the best person that I can be today.”

It has never been easy for me to surrender my will to my Higher Power.

To this day, it is still a struggle to get out of my own way when I find myself emotionally attached to a specific person or problem.

But the difference is that today, after many years of spiritual footwork, I now see the signs of my need to control and quickly, although often reluctantly, pray to my Higher Power and give in.

“Giving in” to me in the past meant that I must be weak, I must be “giving up.”

Always the fighter, I thought that with all my “infinite knowledge and self-will” I must be able to force the solution I thought best not only for myself, but everyone else involved!

It is hard to detach when we are emotionally chained by love, lust, anger, frustration, pain or despair.

But without surrender, I find that I lose my way, I feel out of sorts, off my spiritual path, and today, those are signs that I must give that person, or that problem over to the care of God.

Today, I chose to surrender to my Higher Power’s will.

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“Dear God, help me to give in without giving up. Help me to walk my spiritual path, completing the footwork that is necessary for my growth, while trusting that you are guiding me where I need to be.”

Every so often I am reminded of my former marriage and life by friends through social networks that contain posts, texts, conversations, stories, or photographs.

Usually, I can look at the world I am no longer a part of… an accept it for what it is… and know that I made the right choice by moving on and creating a new life.

But sometimes, I find myself becoming overwhelmed with emotion and my heart feels like it is being “left out.”

I feel like I am now no longer… part of the group.

In the past when I felt these feelings, I would be unable to shake it, to progress past that moment in my day, and flustered and unsettled, I would end up letting my emotions ruin my serenity.

Today, after years of spiritual footwork, I am able to take a moment, allow myself to feel these feelings, and then make a running inventory of all the positive reasons I choose to no longer be part of that lifestyle… that world.

Feelings are just that… feelings.

They are not facts.

The fact is that I no longer want to live a lifestyle that does not fit my spiritual path.

I may have moments of regret, or emotion, but they will be fleeting and minor if I focus on the choices I made for my greater good.

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“Dear God, help me to put ego aside and move forward and away from a past that no longer aligns with my spiritual foundation.”