Just recently I was invited to go out of town for a short overnight trip.

Though I knew I would be surrounded by others who loved and cared for me on this mini-vacation… I began to find myself immediately hedge.

I had so much to do at home.

What about writing? I might get behind on my book or my columns.

I had to clean the house. It had been weeks since I had set it straight.

Then I let my mind begin to mull over all of my insecurities for not attending the event.

What if there were people there that didn’t like me? I’d be stuck with them.

Did I really want to drive with everyone? What if I decided I wanted to leave and I couldn’t?

I caught myself in the midst of creating a million reasons for why I shouldn’t go and then realized how ridiculous I was being by making such a big “to-do” over a 24-hour period of time.

I knew that I was truly struggling with balance and that I needed to go on this trip.

It was important to force myself out of my comfort zone: the place that I often hid after being wounded by painful events.

I accepted the invitation and then went about the task of creating boundaries that would help me make this first outing one that would be balanced between what I feared… and what I longed for; comfort.

I chose to drive on my own and meet my friends there.

I booked a single room, so that I had a place to go to if I became overwhelmed.

When I arrived at the destination, I found that all of my fears were invalid.

I had a lovely time with my friends, I was happy they had invited me, and proud that I was able to “nudge” myself out of my comfort zone.

By setting up boundaries that were acceptable to me, I was able to allow myself to have feelings, without allowing my feelings to control me.

I do not have to take an “all or nothing” attitude when searching for balance.

I can create a plan that soothes my soul, while I take small steps that move me forward on my spiritual path.

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“Dear God, thank you for providing opportunities that allow me to grow as a person. Help me to face my fears bravely as I walk into my future.”

Appreciating the simple gifts in life helps me to stay grateful:

A laugh with a good friend.

A book that I am given to enjoy.

Breakfast at a favorite spot.

A drive through a beautiful area.

Finding the joy in the moment, the simple gifts of the day, act as a reminder of all the unexpected good that life brings.

When I am feeling hopeless…

When I am fighting through pain and despair…

I must stop, have faith, look around me, and see that my Higher Power is offering me signs of hope each time a simple gift is given.

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“Dear God, thank you for the simple gifts in life. Thank you for reminding me each day that I have joy in these unexpected moments of happiness.”

When people sometimes choose to leave my life, or change the parameters of our relationship, I tend to think… Oh God, what did I do? It must have been something I said… some way I acted that brought on this change in our status.

And yes, maybe I did do something or say something that created a change, caused a riff, or prompted a move.

This is when I have to step back and really look at the situation with awareness.

When I was going through my divorce, I was speaking to a close friend one day and I said, “I don’t understand why he left? I looked at my part in the problem, I moved to correct my mistakes and clean up my side of the street. Why is he not making an effort to do the same?”

She looked at me and said, “You have to let him go. Look at all of the other wonderful people that are here around you. They want to be a part of your day-to-day world, they love you dearly and enjoy your company. It is good to be aware of your part in things, but you dwelling on him leaving basically makes us all feel that we are not as important as the man who has chosen to leave you.”

And she was right: It was his decision… not mine.

Today. I still struggle when friends leave, relationships change or end, but I also know that I am not willing to go running after anyone and try to “make” them see that being with me would be a good thing.

If they value my friendship … want to be my friend… they will put in the effort just as I have, examine the relationship, and work to hold on to it or mend it.

If they don’t value my friendship, or if my friendship does not meet with their current life choices, then I have to let them go.

People choose to leave and change… this is a part of life that I must accept.

All I can do is examine my part in the relationship, work to clean up my side of the street, and then let go with awareness if they choose to walk a new path on their own.

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“Dear God, help me to see that people’s decisions are not “All about me.” You have created a path for my friends that may lead them away from my life. That does not mean I cannot let them go with compassion and pray for them as they embark on their new journey.”

It took time for me to see my marriage and my divorce clearly.

Friends would tell me that, “I just needed time to get over my wounds.”

Others said, “You will have perspective on this situation once time passes.”

The advice was hard to swallow when all I wanted was an immediate release from my pain but…

Time did bring perspective.

I was able to see that my husband had suited me perfectly for many years of my life, and even though I was disappointed and hurt when he chose to leave, after a significant amount of time passed… I could see that what had suited me perfectly as a young woman no longer suited me as the woman I had become.

My husband and I were on different life paths and once I had perspective…  I knew that we were better off as friends than as a married couple.

Today, after going through my divorce, I have found that it is easier for me to accept that emotions, passions, and turmoil will calm with time.

I don’t always enjoy waiting for perspective… but I do look forward to the clarity that will come with it.
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“Dear God, help me to be patient. Help me to wait for time to bring me clarity after enduring my hardships.”

My divorce was a painful journey.

It was a journey that I didn’t want to take.

I had married believing that I had journeyed towards my husband… and together… we were now “the destination.”

It was hard to let go of our life and begin again… alone… on the road.

Like any journey, I learned that it was important to watch for signs, enjoy the view along the way, and be open to the surprises I would experience.

I made new friends and learned to love again.

I now know that I will never end up at a specific destination.

I am constantly on the journey and must find a way to have peace in the idea that we are always traveling.

“Dear God, help me to be aware on my journey. Help me to find truth and maturity along the way.”

Before I went through my divorce, I never truly accepted an outcome that didn’t seem to work in my favor.

I always thought that I knew what was best.

I always believed that the other person must be absolutely wrong and if they would just stop being stubborn, we would both end up with the correct outcome: My outcome.

The best outcome of course.

But then one day, I heard a friend say, “I have to stop playing God. I think I know best for everyone but that’s just not true.”

I had to admit to myself right then and there that I liked playing God.

It gave me a sense of control and honestly, I thought if everyone would just do what I would say, my outcome would protect them from future pain and harm, and keep them on the right track to a better life.

Well, that isn’t how life works.

People have to choose their own path to walk.

I can offer my own experience, strength, and hope to help guide them on their way but…

their choices, and their inevitable outcomes… must be just that: their choice.

I know now that this is how others find their spiritual growth.

I don’t have to like every outcome in life… but I must accept that it is a necessary part of learning.

We may see others on a path of destruction, but maybe that is the path they must walk to find their salvation.

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“Dear God, help me to accept all outcomes. Help me to see that you have a bigger plan than I have the ability to imagine.”