December 29th: Balance

December 29th-Balance

Just recently I was invited to go out of town for a short overnight trip.

Though I knew I would be surrounded by others who loved and cared for me on this mini-vacation… I began to find myself immediately hedge.

I had so much to do at home.

What about writing? I might get behind on my book or my columns.

I had to clean the house. It had been weeks since I had set it straight.

Then I let my mind begin to mull over all of my insecurities for not attending the event.

What if there were people there that didn’t like me? I’d be stuck with them.

Did I really want to drive with everyone? What if I decided I wanted to leave and I couldn’t?

I caught myself in the midst of creating a million reasons for why I shouldn’t go and then realized how ridiculous I was being by making such a big “to-do” over a 24-hour period of time.

I knew that I was truly struggling with balance and that I needed to go on this trip.

It was important to force myself out of my comfort zone: the place that I often hid after being wounded by painful events.

I accepted the invitation and then went about the task of creating boundaries that would help me make this first outing one that would be balanced between what I feared… and what I longed for; comfort.

I chose to drive on my own and meet my friends there.

I booked a single room, so that I had a place to go to if I became overwhelmed.

When I arrived at the destination, I found that all of my fears were invalid.

I had a lovely time with my friends, I was happy they had invited me, and proud that I was able to “nudge” myself out of my comfort zone.

By setting up boundaries that were acceptable to me, I was able to allow myself to have feelings, without allowing my feelings to control me.

I do not have to take an “all or nothing” attitude when searching for balance.

I can create a plan that soothes my soul, while I take small steps that move me forward on my spiritual path.


“Dear God, thank you for providing opportunities that allow me to grow as a person. Help me to face my fears bravely as I walk into my future.”


December 28th: Simple Gifts

December 28th- Simple Gifts

Appreciating the simple gifts in life helps me to stay grateful:

A laugh with a good friend.

A book that I am given to enjoy.

Breakfast at a favorite spot.

A drive through a beautiful area.

Finding the joy in the moment, the simple gifts of the day, act as a reminder of all the unexpected good that life brings.

When I am feeling hopeless…

When I am fighting through pain and despair…

I must stop, have faith, look around me, and see that my Higher Power is offering me signs of hope each time a simple gift is given.

“Dear God, thank you for the simple gifts in life. Thank you for reminding me each day that I have joy in these unexpected moments of happiness.”

December 21st: Bad Timing

December 21st-Timing

I used to believe there was no such thing as bad timing in relationships.

I thought that if someone didn’t want to be with me and used the words “bad timing” that it must have something to do with me.

They must not have loved me enough to give it their all.

I must have behaved in a way to make them have second thoughts.

Bad timing must be their code for… “I’m looking for someone better.”

I know now, that my lack of self-esteem after my divorce, was the contributing factor to my negative beliefs.

Today I do believe that there is such a thing as bad timing and that it has no reflection on who I am, or how that person may feel about me.

If I were asked right now… this moment… by someone I truly loved to get married… I would have to say, “No.”

Not because that person doesn’t matter to me…

Not because I no longer have faith in marriage…

But because I must put my own house in order before I can let someone back into my heart.

If I am not truly ready, if I am still mourning a loss, or walking through pain and despair…

If I am still focused on spiritual footwork to help me move towards being my best in my next relationship, then I owe it to myself and the person I love to admit, that this is not the right time for us to begin.

We often accept timing in our day-to-day activities, friendships, and business dealings, but are often unwilling to give, to step back, and look at timing in relation to love.

“Dear God, help me to remember that life unfolds on your time, not mine. Help me to be patient in all of my relationships.”

November 5th: Belonging

No matter how much I love to be an individual… there is something inside of me that longs to belong with the people I love, admire, and respect.

But there are groups… groups that I have been a part of over the years… that have not always brought out my best self.

My shadow self emerges when I am with these people and the urge to belong drives me to act in ways that no longer suit the person I am today.

I find myself either full of ego, self-doubt, or struggling with my self-esteem and it still, to this day amazes me, that after all of my footwork in spiritual recovery… I can so easily fall back into my former ways with certain people.

These relationships are important to me. I am firmly connected to them through shared history, love, and family ties.

I want to belong with these groups… I just want to act as my stronger, higher, spiritual self when engaging with them.

If these relationships are relationships that I choose to continue… I must work to see what is driving me to “act out” and learn to take opposite action so that I can create healthy relationships and belong with a peaceful mind and heart.


“Dear God, help me to be my best self around all of the people I love and cherish. Help me to overcome my ego, and self-doubt, and move forward on my spiritual path.”

for Mary 10-8-35 to 11-5-17

November 4th: Letting Go with Awareness

When people sometimes choose to leave my life, or change the parameters of our relationship, I tend to think… Oh God, what did I do? It must have been something I said… some way I acted that brought on this change in our status.

And yes, maybe I did do something or say something that created a change, caused a riff, or prompted a move.

This is when I have to step back and really look at the situation with awareness.

When I was going through my divorce, I was speaking to a close friend one day and I said, “I don’t understand why he left? I looked at my part in the problem, I moved to correct my mistakes and clean up my side of the street. Why is he not making an effort to do the same?”

She looked at me and said, “You have to let him go. Look at all of the other wonderful people that are here around you. They want to be a part of your day-to-day world, they love you dearly and enjoy your company. It is good to be aware of your part in things, but you dwelling on him leaving basically makes us all feel that we are not as important as the man who has chosen to leave you.”

And she was right: It was his decision… not mine.

Today. I still struggle when friends leave, relationships change or end, but I also know that I am not willing to go running after anyone and try to “make” them see that being with me would be a good thing.

If they value my friendship … want to be my friend… they will put in the effort just as I have, examine the relationship, and work to hold on to it or mend it.

If they don’t value my friendship, or if my friendship does not meet with their current life choices, then I have to let them go.

People choose to leave and change… this is a part of life that I must accept.

All I can do is examine my part in the relationship, work to clean up my side of the street, and then let go with awareness if they choose to walk a new path on their own.


“Dear God, help me to see that people’s decisions are not “All about me.” You have created a path for my friends that may lead them away from my life. That does not mean I cannot let them go with compassion and pray for them as they embark on their new journey.”

November 3rd: Inspiration

Today I spent time playing music with one of my favorite students.

She is in college, preparing for her first big recital, where she will play the Bach Cello Suite 1 Prelude.

She is already an established rock musician, barely 22 and has already toured the world, and yet she was nervous about playing a classical piece “live” in front of me; her teacher.

I watched as she turned shyly, moved her bass away from me and finally, turned until her back was towards me and her face was barely visible.

I smiled to myself, letting her have her space, refusing to chide her as I usually do when I find my students becoming shy with me… I sat quietly… waiting for her to play, and then listened as the most beautiful music echoed out into the room and stopped everyone within the immediate vicinity, in awe of what they were there to witness.

Each of us, paused and listened, stunned by her brilliance, her talent, her shy yet lovely way in which she held her head down, as if a tiny bird, and played.

I felt my heart swell with pride, this music… so inspirational… this moment… where we all stood together in time.. in awe of this young person.

I looked at each of the faces around the room, each smiling… eyes fixed…. amazed and inspired by her talent.

I thank God each day, that I have people like this in my life.

People who stand out as shining beacons during times of pain and hardship.

If I had been in despair today… I would have never been able to hold it… or wallow in self-pity.

She inspired the best in all of us by sharing one of her many gifts that God gave her to present to the world.

When I find myself struggling, I must remember that God brings me gifts each day, and it is up to me to be aware of these moments and thankful for the joy they bring to me.

“Dear God, thank you for surrounding me with friends and family that inspire me to rise to my highest self. Through these joyous moments we share, you remind me that there is light even on my darkest day, gifts too beautiful to ignore.”

October 16th: Time and Perspective

It took time for me to see my marriage and my divorce clearly.

Friends would tell me that, “I just needed time to get over my wounds.”

Others said, “You will have perspective on this situation once time passes.”

The advice was hard to swallow when all I wanted was an immediate release from my pain but…

Time did bring perspective.

I was able to see that my husband had suited me perfectly for many years of my life, and even though I was disappointed and hurt when he chose to leave, after a significant amount of time passed… I could see that what had suited me perfectly as a young woman no longer suited me as the woman I had become.

My husband and I were on different life paths and once I had perspective…  I knew that we were better off as friends than as a married couple.

Today, after going through my divorce, I have found that it is easier for me to accept that emotions, passions, and turmoil will calm with time.

I don’t always enjoy waiting for perspective… but I do look forward to the clarity that will come with it.

“Dear God, help me to be patient. Help me to wait for time to bring me clarity after enduring my hardships.”