I hated that everything my husband was doing was beyond reason.
Why would he leave his family?
How could he live with seeing us only a few times a week?
What was so important to him that he would walk away from everything we had built: our history, our world… to look for something else?
One day, a good friend said, “It is beyond reason. No one can explain why people do the things they do.”
It was true.
I could question all I wanted.
I could ask my husband why… but I still don’t think I would understand.
It was beyond reason.
I could drive myself crazy wondering why certain things happen.
I could spend every day wondering why this person lived… or this person died… why one family stayed together… why one family fell apart… but I wouldn’t find logic in the answers.
Sometimes… they just do.
Life is beyond reason.
Today, I know that I can spend endless emotional energy trying to figure out why and still not get to an answer.
It happened.
It is beyond reason.
Now, what am I going to do with my life for today?
“Dear God, help me not to waste time trying to find reason where there is none. Help me to use my time to move on and move forward. Help me to accept that things in life sometimes… just happen. They are beyond my control. They are beyond my reason. I must have faith that you know the plan, you know the reason, and everything is happening just as it should.”
Daily Divorce Meditations 
You are right, You can’t explain or reason, but you can control your own life. I am sure you will find happiness, maybe not today but someday
Yes : ) You are so right!
This is so timely, as many of your posts seem to be! I’ve tried to use reason in this situation.
I’ve been on my own for 6 weeks, divorce final this fall, my “ex” is off having a wonderful time. I couldn’t have stayed in the marriage and he opted out by lying, cheating, running essentially. And I’m still asking myself why. We were lovers and best friends up until fairly recently when I look back on it. Why didn’t he want to tell me what he was feeling? Why did he think lies would not hurt me as much. Why did he want to try to be so sneaky — yet it was so transparent, so blatant. And when we finally had the come to reality talk about what was going on, he tried to deny everything until he couldn’t any longer. He was my most trusted, closest friend. And yes, there isn’t answer to my question — even if he wanted out, I wanted out, whatever — why did he just dismiss us as partners and trusted friends? There won’t be an answer… but there is certainly pain and confusion!
It really just takes time… so much time! It is so difficult to go through a betrayal of that magnitude. And I was so sure that once he was with his “new” woman that his life would be magically perfect that she would be the one to make him a better man… but that doesn’t happen. The majority of partners who lie and cheat and leave repeat the pattern again with their new partner. Mine did. Today, I am so thankful that I am no longer with him. I love him as the father of my children… we are friendly and kind to each other… but the road stops there… D.
I’m already getting comments from friends and family that he’s sent photos, shows how happy he is and how great things are as he gets to travel with his girlfriend.
Even since yesterday.
It feels like a mental and physical relapse.
I feel so far behind and almost as if I’m competing to be as happy or have something important to report. Seems to me he has lots of support but I suppose why not? Many of our friends and family don’t have to “take sides” and wouldn’t. I appreciate that.
But the emotional waves keep coming…
I can’t logic my way through this part. I see more and more coming that I can’t avoid. Not sure how to manage it.
You may need to ask those family and friends to stop informing you about such things… that doesn’t help you. It will get better…. but it will take time. 🙂 D.
I agree – and I’m going to communicate that to them.
You just need an “invisible information” wall right now… 🙂 so you can heal!
I had some people giving me information because they were shocked. So… it was accidental info really…. a couple of times I had to just tell people… I can’t talk about that right now… or I can’t go to that specific location right now…. it was just my way of creating some space until I could manage! 🙂 D
My logical brain, along with my realistic personality don’t deal well with no reason…often times I wish I were more oblivious and optimistic so I could float over the pain and discomfort of not understanding…
I am SO with you “MS from MP” floating above would be lovely. I tried so hard to logic my way out of divorce… (sigh) D.
Funny how these thoughts come full circle over the course of a year.
You’re right ! There is no reasoning in many of the actions we see, feel, and search our minds to understand!
And … Although there was all the talk of new, better, happy ever after either. … Nope… Not happening.
It’s interesting reading my state of mind a year ago here — friends and family were there and have been all along. I just didn’t see clearly. Too much pain.
Time is a healer and with time comes more clarity.
As you felt, I did then too, but I couldn’t accept it.
I don’t wish him ill, but he wouldn’t be the right person for me to be with again.
That Patricia is SERIOUS GROWTH… he isn’t the right person for you… now your life is open to finding and being with someone who is “all in” I can’t wait to see what life brings to you! 🙂 D.
Oh thank you so much D!
I have been building a new business , which I think I mentioned , and decided walking each day and going to the gym at least 4x week will help me get back to my healthier , fit self ( and continue to regain some inner peace too).
Hope within a year or so I’ll start to feel ready and “see” those I can share my time and life with.
It’s funny, right now I feel sort of invisible 🙂 and I can tell I’m not yet in the mode of really dating or get involved.
Patricia I was the same way. I did not even attempt to date the first year and I had no desire to do so. I did what you are doing… worked on my Master’s degree… walked… went to the gym almost daily… ate well… put my home in order… and sought counseling from a trusted mentor. It was what was best for me to help me build my inner foundation again. 🙂 You are doing a great job of moving forward. When you do get ready to date… I’ll be here to walk you through that as well! 🙂 D.
Thanks !
So glad you’re here 🙂
😀