Archive | November 2013

November 5th: Belonging

Nov5

No matter how much I love to be an individual… there is something inside of me that longs to belong with the people I love, admire, and respect.

But there are groups… groups that I have been a part of over the years… that have not always brought out my best self.

My shadow self emerges when I am with these people and the urge to belong drives me to act in ways that no longer suit the person I am today.

I find myself either full of ego, self-doubt, or struggling with my self-esteem and it still, to this day amazes me, that after all of my footwork in spiritual recovery… I can so easily fall back into my former ways with certain people.

These relationships are important to me. I am firmly connected to them through shared history, love, and family ties.

I want to belong with these groups… I just want to act as my stronger, higher, spiritual self when engaging with them.

If these relationships are relationships that I choose to continue… I must work to see what is driving me to “act out” and learn to take opposite action so that I can create healthy relationships and belong with a peaceful mind and heart.

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“Dear God, help me to be my best self around all of the people I love and cherish. Help me to overcome my ego, and self-doubt, and move forward on my spiritual path.”

November 4th: Letting Go with Awareness

Nov4

When people sometimes choose to leave my life, or change the parameters of our relationship, I tend to think… Oh God, what did I do? It must have been something I said… some way I acted that brought on this change in our status.

And yes, maybe I did do something or say something that created a change, caused a riff, or prompted a move.

This is when I have to step back and really look at the situation with awareness.

When I was going through my divorce, I was speaking to a close friend one day and I said, “I don’t understand why he left? I looked at my part in the problem, I moved to correct my mistakes and clean up my side of the street. Why is he not making an effort to do the same?”

She looked at me and said, “You have to let him go. Look at all of the other wonderful people that are here around you. They want to be a part of your day-to-day world, they love you dearly and enjoy your company. It is good to be aware of your part in things, but you dwelling on him leaving basically makes us all feel that we are not as important as the man who has chosen to leave you.”

And she was right: It was his decision… not mine.

Today. I still struggle when friends leave, relationships change or end, but I also know that I am not willing to go running after anyone and try to “make” them see that being with me would be a good thing.

If they value my friendship … want to be my friend… they will put in the effort just as I have, examine the relationship, and work to hold on to it or mend it.

If they don’t value my friendship, or if my friendship does not meet with their current life choices, then I have to let them go.

People choose to leave and change… this is a part of life that I must accept.

All I can do is examine my part in the relationship, work to clean up my side of the street, and then let go with awareness if they choose to walk a new path on their own.

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“Dear God, help me to see that people’s decisions are not “All about me.” You have created a path for my friends that may lead them away from my life. That does not mean I cannot let them go with compassion and pray for them as they embark on their new journey.”