Archive | January 2017

January 31st: Waiting

January 31st-Waiting

When I was first out of my marriage I found the roller coaster of dating… the moments of anticipated acceptance or rejection too much to handle.

If someone expressed interest I quickly pulled away afraid of intimacy.

Yet if someone remained distant and detached, I assumed that something was wrong with me, or that I must be the problem in the relationship or that I had just lost someone wonderful and in pain and despair, would feel terribly hurt all over again.

I decided that the best thing for me to do was to wait a good amount of time, at least a year, before dating or becoming intimate with someone again.

I had been married almost twenty years, and to know what I would want in a future relationship during a time period that was punctuated with pain, despair and my mourning the loss of my marriage, would lead to me making personal choices that would be unsteady and might prove to be unacceptable over time.

I realized that I was dealing with too many emotions and that even the comfort of someone new could not replace what I had felt for my long-time spouse.

I found that though I was often lonely for a partner, the solitude that time brought to me was a gift.

I was able to heal, learn, and move forward on my spiritual path.

In that way, I became sure and ready of what I truly wanted to look for in a new relationship.

“Dear God,  help me to embrace the solitude. Give me time to heal and the strength to move on.”

January 30th: Strength

January 30th Strength

Strength is a character trait that I am glad that I possess.

It has been cultivated over time, made stronger by each trial I have endured.

Today, when I find myself struggling to continue on…

Feeling like I can’t cope for even a moment longer…

I remind myself of the pain and despair I have walked through, over the course of my life, and how I have been made stronger today because of it.

The painful events of my past, remind me that I do have the strength to continue on my spiritual path even when it seems the road is too difficult to walk.

I must remember that “This too shall pass.”

I must remember that change for the better is inevitable.

If I keep these thoughts in mind,  I will move forward…

I will get through my hardships.

“Dear God, help me to have the strength to endure when I feel that I am lost and worn.”

January 29th: Attitude

January 29th-Attitude

Some days are just harder to get through then others.

Maybe I’m overwhelmed by too many commitments.

Maybe I didn’t sleep well the night before and my emotions are getting the better of me.

Maybe I’m just fed up with everyone and everything and can’t stop myself from being snappy or snide… sure that everyone around me is just trying to test my patience.

On days like these, I stop and think about what I once heard in an inspirational speech.

The speaker was sharing an anecdote related to bad attitudes and he said, “If throughout the course of the day you run into someone with a bad attitude… then you run into someone with a bad attitude. Don’t worry about it. It’s bound to happen. Just stay positive and move along in your day but…”

Here he paused for emphasis and then added, “If you run into three or more people with bad attitudes… then you’re the one with the bad attitude.  You’re the one with the problem.”

Of course we all laughed, each of us being guilty of this type of denial related to our own bad behavior at one time or another.

But for me… the sentiment stuck and today… if I do catch myself angry with the world, sure that everyone is against me, ready to attack at any moment… then it is time for me to check my own attitude, change my perspective, and step back onto my spiritual path and away from my shadow self.”

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“Dear God, help me to adjust my attitude during the course of a particularly trying day.  Help me to remember that each day is a gift that I must cherish.”

January 28th: Regrets

January 29th-Regrets

I woke up this morning with regrets on my mind.

Things I had done that I wished that I hadn’t.

Things I had said that I wished I could take back.

Opportunities that I had let pass me by, due to one reason or another.

My heart felt heavy as these feelings washed over me and for a moment, I was overwhelmed by all of the mistakes I had made.

It isn’t easy to let myself swim in regret but… to feel regret… is to allow my conscience to become fully aware and in touch with the painful choices and actions of my past.

I do not have to see it as a negative… I can see it for what it really is… an opportunity for me to change my actions in the present and in the future.

Regret reminds me of what I choose not to repeat…

What words I choose not to share…

What opportunities I should not let pass me by.

Regret reminds me to make an amends to all I may have harmed in my past and specifically… to forgive myself and move on.

“Dear God, help me to let go of regret and live in the present. Help me to forgive myself my past as I move toward a more positive direction in my future.”

January 27th: Different Points of View

January 27th Point of View

I was talking to my friend this afternoon about a conversation that had upset me.

One of our mutual friends had done something that I felt was unacceptable: something unacceptable related to me.

My friend was acting as an impromptu mediator, trying to logically help me to understand a situation that had become emotionally charged.

She spent several minutes reasoning with me, calmly helping me to look at the situation from a different point-of-view, and hoping that it would stop me from reacting.

It did.

Later that afternoon, when I met my friend, the mediator, for coffee, I looked at her and said, “You are absolutely right. I totally understand both sides of the situation now and I’m choosing to wind it down…. let it go… not react.

I realized that my friend who I believed behaved unacceptably to me, was reacting out of hurt and anger, and that if I chose to escalate the situation, I too would only be acting from my shadow self instead of choosing to react with love and faith and from a higher spiritual place.

Sometimes it is hard to back down, back away, and look at emotional situations with logic and detachment but… it is important to see all sides of a problem, look at my part in it, and then choose whether it must be discussed or if it is something I can let go.

Today I know… that this particular problem… is better released with love and prayer…. that I should accept it and differing points-of-view… and let it go.

“Dear God, help me to act with a loving heart. When I am struggling with perspective, help me to see clearly other points-of-view.”

January 26th: Solitude

January 25th

It is important in life to savor moments of solitude.

Solitude calms my mind and allows me to process thoughts from my day.

Often, people think of solitude as a loneliness, an isolation, a negative, but that is not solitude.

Solitude is a quiet time, where I am able to reflect, pray, think, create, without being distracted by the outside world.

Solitude comes when I walk alone in the park, enjoying the beauty of nature.

Solitude comes when I enjoy the company of a good book.

Solitude comes when I create a beautiful piece of music.

Solitude comes when I allow myself to be soothed by my own company, content with my own friendship, alone with my own thoughts.

It rejuvenates me and revives me.

It helps me to gain perspective when I have lost my way, and provides relief from the chatter of the outside world.

“Dear God, thank you for bringing me the quiet moments in my day. Thank you for the solitude that brings calm to my life.”

January 25th: Joy

January 26th

It is a great feeling to wake up in the morning full of joy, excited about the day ahead.

It is important to stop and acknowledge these moments of pure happiness and to celebrate all that the day will bring.

Often, I dwell on the melancholy of time… lingering in a beautiful moment… while focusing on the inevitable fact: that this too shall end… that this too shall pass.

Today, I choose to stay in the day…

I choose to let joy fill me entirely and keep my head in my happiness.

Today, I choose to step away from my problems and allow my spirit to soar.

I choose to live in joy, I choose to celebrate my life.

“Dear God, help me to celebrate all that I have been given. Help me to see the joy in the littlest things, the smallest of moments.”