Archive | April 2016

April 8th: Jealousy

April 8th-Jealousy

During my separation and ultimately, my divorce, I found it very difficult to contain my jealousy.

I had not let go of my life with my soon-to-be ex-husband and the thought of him moving on with another person left me in a state of panic.

I was in total despair and I was shaken by my complete lack of control regarding our situation.

I could do nothing to stop the inevitable: he would move on and there would be someone else.

I had to work to clear my mind from obsessing:

Who was he with?

What were they doing?

Why her and not me?

It was very difficult to stop my negative thinking once it began.

I spent a lot of time re-directing my thoughts to my life but it took quite a bit of time to let go and I had many setbacks where my jealousy would consume me, and I would revert to old patterns of snooping for information that would confirm my suspicions but also… cause me more pain.

One day, someone I trusted very much said, “Don’t go looking for pain. You can’t stop him from moving on and you are only hurting yourself by continually digging into his new life for answers.”

I worked each day to ignore social media that might lead me to painful information. Each time I chose not to act out in jealousy and thrive on my obsession, it became a little easier to let go and move on.

Time has now passed and I now very rarely keep tabs on my ex-husband’s life.

My own life is full of my own obsessions: positive ones that bring me closer to the spiritual path I long to walk.

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“Dear God, help me to let go of my obsession. Help me to move on and let go of jealousy. Help me to mind my own business and focus on my own life.”

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