A very well-known spiritual speaker once said at a lecture:

“We love to get in the cage with the gorilla. We climb right in and try to take care of all the problems and then wonder why our arms and legs are being ripped off.”

I remember laughing at the thought of it and also the reality: I was doing this almost every day at that time.

I was trying to take care of everyone and everything around me, with no thought for my own well-being, and then wondering why my life was in such a total shambles and why every time I looked in the mirror I found a woman who was worn and frazzled.

To be a nurturer, to be caring, compassionate, empathetic is a gift and a characteristic of myself I value greatly. I feel fortunate to have been raised to think of others when they are in need.

However, I must let other people do what they can for themselves, and accept that if I jump in too quickly and try to “save the day” I am robbing them of their own learning lessons and robbing myself of balance.

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“Dear God, help me to allow others to grow. Help me to nurture without over-stepping my boundaries.”

Though my divorce was a very painful experience, it taught me a lot about when it was appropriate to react and when it was better to let go. In my marriage, I often reacted immediately instead of calming my mind and waiting to decide how important the problem really was. I would constantly get worked up about things that wouldn’t even be remembered 24 hours later. I allowed my resentments, my emotions, to constantly rule my words and actions. A good friend, at the time, told me to take just a moment before reacting and say to myself, “How important is it?” before calling someone out. I was amazed at how many times I was being nit picky, judgmental, really just saying something to say it or using my words as a way of holding my illusion of control. I started to see my character flaws appear in each scenario and I didn’t like it. Today, I still sometimes react without thinking but more often than not, I hold my tongue and wait to allow time and clarity to set in before speaking.

– “Dear God, help me to let go of the little things and stay focused on more important matters.”

It amazes me how I will struggle so hard and for so long with a particular problem and suddenly, when I least expect it, comes a moment of clarity. It appears in my own “aha!” thought or… in the words of a dear friend or… an image I see on TV… something… anything… that somehow drives me to finally connect the dots. When it happens I always feel like saying to myself, “I can’t believe you didn’t see this sooner” but the truth is… without the journey… there is no moment of clarity. It is a series of events that leads me to that moment and it is my Higher Power that brings me to clarity exactly when I am ready to accept it.

– “Dear God, help me to be aware and in the moment so that when clarity finally arrives… I am willing to move on and away from my past problems.”