November 2nd: Exhaustion

Often, when I don’t want to look at the true problem at hand, I busy myself with tasks and distractions until one day… I find myself worn-out with exhaustion.

When my husband and I divorced… I filled my time up with activities to keep my mind occupied and away from the pain of my loss.

Many of these occupations were positive:

Going back to school for my Master’s degree.

Spending quality time with my children.

Putting my home and my financial life in order.

Learning new behaviors and working to improve my spiritual path.

But I also became quite co-dependent: distracting myself with other people’s problems and stepping in… expending energy… instead of offering experience and then letting them work through life steps on their own.

One day, I came home, sat down at my computer to write, looked at the screen, and felt as if I was going to collapse if I even tried to type one word.

I knew then… that I had fallen into a very bad place.

I was not taking care of myself.

I was winding myself up, wearing myself out to keep from experiencing my painful emotions and it had taken a toll on me: I was now not only emotionally exhausted but I was physically exhausted. It was time to step back and take a break.

At first, some people were upset that I was unwilling to offer all of the solutions in their situations. That I was no longer available for their needs 24 hours a day but I explained, that I needed to recuperate from my own loss, take time for my own needs.

I learned that I must take care of myself first before I fell into exhaustion once again.

The spiritual work I needed to do to move me forward on God’s path cannot be accomplished with a chaotic mind and a poor physical state.

“Dear God, help me to take care of myself. I cannot help others on your path if I do not have the strength to carry myself.”

4 thoughts on “November 2nd: Exhaustion

  1. I found out the hard way that taking better care of myself was actually key to being better to my friends and family and not knocking myself out via guilt and pain from the past … And got the nerve up to write about it on a national womens’ blog recently.
    Your wisdom is priceless here – there is so much to learn !! I’m trying hard each day – didn’t understand how to before

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