When people sometimes choose to leave my life, or change the parameters of our relationship, I tend to think… Oh God, what did I do? It must have been something I said… some way I acted that brought on this change in our status.
And yes, maybe I did do something or say something that created a change, caused a riff, or prompted a move.
This is when I have to step back and really look at the situation with awareness.
When I was going through my divorce, I was speaking to a close friend one day and I said, “I don’t understand why he left? I looked at my part in the problem, I moved to correct my mistakes and clean up my side of the street. Why is he not making an effort to do the same?”
She looked at me and said, “You have to let him go. Look at all of the other wonderful people that are here around you. They want to be a part of your day-to-day world, they love you dearly and enjoy your company. It is good to be aware of your part in things, but you dwelling on him leaving basically makes us all feel that we are not as important as the man who has chosen to leave you.”
And she was right: It was his decision… not mine.
Today. I still struggle when friends leave, relationships change or end, but I also know that I am not willing to go running after anyone and try to “make” them see that being with me would be a good thing.
If they value my friendship … want to be my friend… they will put in the effort just as I have, examine the relationship, and work to hold on to it or mend it.
If they don’t value my friendship, or if my friendship does not meet with their current life choices, then I have to let them go.
People choose to leave and change… this is a part of life that I must accept.
All I can do is examine my part in the relationship, work to clean up my side of the street, and then let go with awareness if they choose to walk a new path on their own.
“Dear God, help me to see that people’s decisions are not “All about me.” You have created a path for my friends that may lead them away from my life. That does not mean I cannot let them go with compassion and pray for them as they embark on their new journey.”
It’s taken a long time to “get” this.
Our participation in our marriage we each take responsibility for.
But the way he went about leaving and that he didn’t see any other way… I have realized that’s his decision.
Like you talked about , there are friends and family who want to be with me and I them. It’s hard to let go of why , and how I tried .
But as they say , you can’t “push” the river .
I understand all too well
When he just picks up and leaves. Seeing divorce as the only option. Stops all communication and wallows in self pity and self medicating. It is like the dark side of the force(Star Wars). Only Sith Lords think in absolutes. There is no light, only anger, hatrid, ignorance and fear.
Let it go and live in your light.
Love, family, friends, faith, patience all lead to the light of the force .. It is the life force that makes you feel alive and no one should drag you down that dark path again.