December 2nd: Trials

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I know that I cannot walk through life without experiencing trials.

I have been through many… and I’m sure there will be many more before my days are done.

Each of these trials has tested my faith, and when I am wrapped in the emotional and physical suffering that tends to drive a trial, I struggle to keep balance.

How can I possibly make a decision when I can barely keep my mind focused?

How can I move forward on a spiritual path when I am in a moment of great turmoil or despair?

When I find myself in a trial, I have to spend as much time as possible: praying to my Higher Power, discussing the painful issue with those I love and trust, and when doing so, remembering to be fearlessly honest so that I can make the best decision that will help me get through it.

I have learned that prayer quiets my mind and and helps me to receive clarity about my situation.

I go to my friends, my loved ones, for counsel, because they are often able to see clearly, what I cannot see, due to my emotional or physical attachment to the problem at hand.

I have also learned that time will move me through. If I use my resources to stay in the moment, remain as calm as possible, reach out as much as needed for help and guidance, I will get to a point where I can make strong decisions that will move me forward.

Today, when I walk through a trial, and find myself in despair, I remember each trial I have walked before, and I remind myself that because of these experiences, I am where I am today.

Because I have suffered, I have empathy for those that suffer around me.

Because I have experienced trials, I am able to use my wisdom to offer counsel when requested.

Because I have survived pain that I never believed that I could survive, I now have perspective for when I must walk through a trial again.

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“Dear God, help me to be aware of your presence as I walk through this trail. Help me to remember, that on the other side of this pain, I will find a better spiritual path.”

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9 thoughts on “December 2nd: Trials

  1. One thing I HOPE I have learned from Thanksgiving is that your mind can make a potentially bad situation and make it into a huge mountain. I was really dreading Thanksgiving, the first major holiday since separation. Turned out to be a fairly good week.

    Now, Christmas is coming up. Where 2 weeks ago I was scared to death of Christmas break (I am a teacher, I have 2 weeks to fill up), it isn’t quite as scary as it was before. Knowing about a trial and planning for how to get through it will hopefully make the trial not quite as big.

  2. John, I’m a teacher too! πŸ™‚ I know exactly what you mean. I’m so glad you had a fairly good week. I promise you it will get better. I hated SO much when people would say “Time heals” I was like “Well that’s great but what do I do now?” Today, I can’t even imagine life with my ex-husband. I never thought that would ever happen the first year I was going through the separation. I’m here for you! I will be home the same two weeks as you so feel free to write if you start to feel weighted down by it all. πŸ™‚ D.

  3. I love what you wrote about trials. Even though I know intellectually that I’ve gone through tough things in my life before, pain and discouragement cloud my mind. Thank you for your beautiful and inspiring writing. It is very true and I believe every word. It is also a great reminder about letting go and praying.

  4. I have taken so long to reach my decision, trying to balance my emotions with my rational thoughts, that I am confident in my decision to divorce. However, occasionally I waiver. Those moments are really trials for me. Thanks for again making me realize I am not alone. Friday is my divorce and it has become kind of surreal. So odd to think I won’t be married any more, 24 years is a long time.

    • Yes it is… and I remember that strange feeling of realizing that I would be “single” again. After the divorce I learned a lot about who I was… what I truly wanted… and how much I had given up and given in trying to make someone else happy at the expense of my own happiness. I’m here for you. D.

  5. I am struggling so much tonight. Just the thought of being an ex wife and having an ex husband sounds so awful. I was so good and confident all week but as I lay here I’m am so very sad. My heart is broken. It was not supposed to end this way. I know this is the right decision for me, your words are perfect. I have given up my own well being trying to make it work and to make someone else happy. The last few months I have been less stressed than I have been in years but I am laying sobbing, it just hurts so much.

    • Helene, I remember opening my eyes after waking up and immediately throwing up or crying. I remember how horrible it was… There was this movie that came out awhile ago called Stage Beauty where a character says, “Exile is a dreadful thing for one who knows his rightful place.”
      And I remember that hitting me so hard because I felt that I had been exiled from the Kingdom of “Wife”. Time moved me through and I began to like the idea of being single. It was fun to make my home my own space. To enjoy time with the kids without being worried that we would all be yelled at for some minor infraction or that my husband’s mood would ruin it for all of us… he was so mercurial. And after quite a few years of good and bad dates, I found someone who truly fit me… someone who had the same beliefs about family and love and what a difference THAT type of relationship makes. I look forward to you having that.

      Some movies that I really loved watching when I was going through this: Castaway, Something’s Gotta Give, Hope Floats… try some of those… Something’s Gotta Give always made me laugh.

      Walk as often as you can… find a good friend to walk and talk with you… surrounded yourself with Nature… it helps to find places that inspire awe and remember… I’m here for you! D.

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