Recently I was involved in a friendship that left me unsettled and resentful.
I felt that I had given my all to this person and that they hadn’t appreciated it.
I began to act out each time I spoke with them until finally, I stepped away from the relationship to gather some perspective.
But privately, I allowed my thoughts to continue to run rampant as I blamed them for everything that had gone wrong.
I couldn’t understand why when I had tried so hard to show how much I valued them in my daily life, how much I loved them, how understanding I was to their situation, that they still chose to act unacceptable within the boundaries of our relationship.
I was hurt and I was angry.
After a few weeks of distance, I realized that the person I was really upset with… the person I was really blaming for the downfall of the friendship was: Me.
By tolerating unacceptable behavior in my friend, by offering trust freely without question, I had broken my own boundaries and limits.
I had chosen to hurt myself.
I was abusing myself with blame… unwilling to forgive myself for being gullible in my choices.
But… blaming myself does not help me grow as a spiritual person… and blaming someone else leaves me stuck in the past, resentful, and unable to move forward in the present.
I must learn to be kind to myself.
It is okay to make note of my mistakes and flaws, and work to improve my own behavior, but… I must also learn to value all of the good I bring to a relationship.
“Dear God, help me to be kind to myself. Help me to let go of my past errors and forgive myself the mistakes I have made.”