I was at work one day when I called to listen to my voice mail at my home. I was planning on taking my husband’s voice mail box off the phone when I heard he had a new message. Instead of leaving the message alone and letting my husband know that he had a message that he needed to retrieve, I listened to it.
It was a message that he needed promptly so I took it upon myself to call him and let him know.
The message was related to music, and both of us being musicians, this was some times a very “hot” topic for us and a topic in which we knew we could both definitely push each other’s buttons.
I called him and engaged in a conversation knowing full well that I was in a place where if provoked or pushed, I would react.
As it was, I was provoked and pushed and I did react.
We ended up in an argument and I said something that I knew I would later regret.
I had been caught up in my old habits. I had to admit:
I wanted to listen to his message.
I wanted to get all worked up over it.
I wanted to call him and talk to him, or argue with him just so that I could engage with him: that was my pattern.
My bad habit.
I wanted his attention, positive or negative, no matter at what cost to my serenity.
Today though, I am not oblivious to my habit.
I am aware.
Becoming aware of a bad habit helps me to break the pattern and give up the habit.
It isn’t easy… but it can be done.
“Dear God, help me to let go of my bad habits. Bad habits hurt me. Help me to break the pattern. Help me to give up the habit. Guide me out of chaos and into serenity.”