Growing up in an environment of chaos, I learned many things about myself.
I learned that negatives could actually create positive outcomes.
Growing up in a house where chaos was the “norm” of the day, I learned to depend on myself and figure out things on my own.
Never being sure of what rules at home would change, based on someone’s mood or whim, I learned to value the institution of education. School became a “safe” place where rules and structure, logic and fact, made it easy to succeed and I was relieved to find that emotion was not figured into the equation.
Because I grew up this way… I became strong, knowledgeable, and capable however… I found that in my marriage… these qualities were not always valued.
Strong… often comes across as demanding.
Knowledgeable… often is confused with controlling… or a “know-it-all” mentality.
And capable… can leave others feeling “less than…” unable to make a contribution to the relationship… especially if a spouse may be struggling with their own self-esteem or limitations.
It took a lot of spiritual footwork, and self-awareness on my part, to look at the fact that my positive character traits could also be negative character flaws.
I am thankful for all that came out of my upbringing: the negatives of my childhood created the positive person I am today.
But I must use my gifts with self-awareness and not let my shadow self use them out of ego, pride, and control.
“Dear God, thank you for your life lessons. I value what I have learned for each hardship has led me to be the strong and capable person I am today.”