December 18th: Playing Out Old Hurts

December 18th- Playing Out Old Hurts

After my divorce, I took time to heal from my painful wounds before beginning the task of dating again.

I waited a year, sure that I had mourned the loss of my marriage a reasonable amount of time, and positive that the spiritual footwork I had completed would lead me to make good choices when looking for a new partner.

But… I found myself still unable to clearly navigate.

I tended to pick partners similar to my ex-husband… not necessarily in looks; but definitely in words and actions.

The men I gravitated towards, had character defects that felt familiar, even comfortable to me and I used my present partners to play out old hurts.

I soon realized that I was not ready for dating.

Why?

Because I was repeating old patterns and expecting different results.

I was afraid to move away from what was familiar to me even if it brought me pain, even if I knew that type of relationship would no longer work in my life.

After several more months of spiritual footwork, I felt ready to set out once again.

I had a new and different idea of what I wanted in a relationship: I was ready to look for a partner who was available, respectful, loving, and able to commit fully to me as we worked together towards a common goal.

“Dear God, help me to move forward without repeating the past. Help me to see that I have nothing to fear by letting go of old behaviors that no longer suit my best self.”

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