Recently one of my friends, who has acquired a bit of “status” over the years was asked, “How do you feel when people make negative comments about who you are and what you are doing?”
I was interested in how he would respond. His power, his wealth, his education, and the fact that he was a well-known leader put him in a position where he was continually watched and judged for each of his choices.
I began to feel nervous myself just thinking about it: such a large audience of people paying attention to each of his day-to-day moves.
I imagined my own life and how difficult it was for me to detach, at times, from other people’s opinions of me.
His answer surprised and pleased me.
He said, “I can’t let people’s opinions of me get in the way of who I am. It’s not my business what they think. That is their idea of who I am… their projection… it has nothing to do with me. I know what my intention is when I make a choice or take a risk. They do not. If I spent each day upset that someone has a poor opinion of me… well then… I’ve wasted a lot of time now haven’t I?”
How much time have I wasted fretting over someone’s opinion of me?
Has that helped me to move forward in my life or on my spiritual path?
I cannot stop someone from thinking badly about me nor do I have a lifetime to fret about it.
I know my own intentions.
I know when I act from a place of love and humility, from my true self, and when I act out because of my ego, self-esteem, fear, anger or frustration.
I am the only judge of my actions.
I must detach.
I must allow them the freedom of their opinions and keep the focus where it matters: on my own life.
“Dear God, help me to detach with love. Help me to detach without losing compassion.”
🙂 Meg I hope you are having a good day today.
Wow is right…
So hard to think for myself at times – even making decisions based on “what will THEY think”.
That’s starting to turn around but has been hard while feeling so self conscious about being “divorced”.
Sometimes it feels like there’s a stigma to it.
Patricia I still struggle with fretting over “other people’s opinions” but the “fret” time has been minimizing with time. 🙂 D.
The fret time is minimizing . 🙂
I’m finding others’ perceptions , and contrary opinions are just fine because they belong to them- and some are helpful.
Some I’ll be enlightened by ! Others … I have to “move on.”
I just got back from the Bay Area
Saw some friends … The feedback ( not that I requested it LOL) – hey… You aren’t angry and live in the past anymore !
Wow – maybe I’m moving forward 😯
That’s great, P! Many people have NO idea what you went through on an emotional level… I found that people who had suffered great loses really “got” how hard my divorce was… it was a death for me… of my marriage… of my dreams… and it was hard not to live in the past in the beginning… but now I see clearly that he is better… I am better… exactly where we are… Jealous you went to The City… (sigh) 🙂 D.
SF is the old stomping grounds and as much as I love S Ca and the beach , I still miss it 🙂
I can’t agree more about the emotional , mental , and physical pain to lose someone so close and someone who had to been so dear. Learning to cope with those “triggers” –
For many who haven’t been through it , I am grateful for how they have empathized even if they haven’t felt a similar impact.
And I do see now , and agree – good or bad in the long , what he’s doing is better for him/ what he wanted .
Yeah! 🙂 D.