Sometimes I ask my Higher Power questions.
Sometimes I ask my Higher Power for signs.
Sometimes I ask… but I don’t listen… or ignore signs once they appear.
A friend once said to me, “Remember, when you ask God a question, don’t forget what the question was by the time he answers it!”
I was always asking questions and asking for signs and then forgetting to listen or watch for them to appear.
One day, I was hiking on a path.
I was having a moment where I was lacking faith and I was questioning my Higher Power.
I was feeling abandoned in my time of need.
I asked my Higher Power to give me a sign… a sign to let me know that I was not alone… that a spiritual being was with me in my time of need.
I allowed my mind to become quiet as I hiked slowly up the path.
I listened to the sound of my breathing… to the sound of the ocean… to the wind blowing through the brush.
I watched my footing on the path and took it slow.
Suddenly, there was a small white feather laying in the middle of the path. I first walked past it, not really thinking much about it, but something inside of me said, “Turn around and pick that feather up… it is a sign from your Higher Power.” I turned around, picked it up, and then continued up the path.
I was almost to the top when I noticed a small turn out. I walked over and sat down on the edge of the cliff overlooking the ocean.
I sat and cried.
I cried feeling so lost and alone.
Where was my Higher Power?
Where was my faith?
How was I to walk through this pain?
How did others walk through this pain?
I reached in my pocket for a tissue to wipe my face and the small white feather fluttered out of my hands. It started to catch in the breeze and blow off into the sky when the wind changed direction and sent the feather back into my hand.
I calmed my mind.
I quieted my tears.
Something told me to get up… to get back on the path and walk on. I stood up, dusted myself off and did just that. It was just a few steps more to the top of the hill… to the end of the path.
When I turned the last curve of the trail, I found a giant wooden cross, standing in front of a bench, looking out over the ocean.
I sat on the bench and stared at the cross in awe.
It did not matter that the sign was significant of a specific religion.
What mattered was the sign was a spiritual one.
Something inside of me said, “You see? You were just a few steps away from faith… if you had stopped, you would still be choosing to walk this path in fear… alone.”
I realized then that I had to believe.
I had to watch for signs and believe my questions would be answered… in time.
If I wasn’t walking in faith…then I was choosing to walk alone and in fear.
“Dear God, help me to listen. Help me to look for your signs. Remind me that I can have faith if I choose to walk with you instead of walking alone in fear.”
I no longer have to bear the pain of loss and fear of facing this journey of starting over alone, I just need invite God in, amen.
This was very touching and inspirational. Great writing, deedee. I need to get outdoors more.
That place is on Catalina Island… 🙂 and the photo is the actual cross. D.