It doesn’t matter.

Repeat this to yourself.

It doesn’t matter.

When I first began to walk through my divorce, I couldn’t stop myself from worrying what everyone would think.

I felt myself spiraling out of control.

I felt lost.

I didn’t want to talk on the phone.

I didn’t want to go out.

I was afraid.

What if someone calls me and they ask me about my spouse? 

and…

What do I say?

How do I stop myself from rambling on about all of the intimate details of our relationship?

How do I limit what I say and still sound adult, loving, and kind when speaking about my former spouse?

Every time I opened my mouth, I caught myself telling people more than they should know.

I would hear justifications in all of my statements.

I would leave the conversation feeling worse than I had to begin with like, I had revealed a private part of myself, my life, to an acquaintance and now that person could take that information and use it in any way they wanted.

They could tell my former spouse.

They could gossip.

Everyone would know.

I felt that I had made myself look bad by speaking about my spouse in a way that was inappropriate.

I didn’t want to give up my private information to someone outside of my marriage.

I didn’t want to say hurtful things about my spouse.

No matter what part my spouse played in the break up of our marriage, I had spent many years loving and caring for this man. I did not want to speak badly about him to anyone.

I would cry to myself, swear that I wouldn’t do it again and then… I would run into someone and catch myself once again trying to manipulate and justify what had happened in my marriage… trying to defend myself… what I did in the marriage… what I didn’t do in the marriage… to someone who wasn’t much more than a stranger.

I was giving them power over my life.

It was not their business.

The cycle was hurting me.

I had to keep repeating to myself:

It doesn’t matter what they think.

What matters is what I know.

Repeat that to yourself:

It doesn’t matter what they think.

What matters is what I know.

And what did I know?

That I am a good person.

That I loved and cared deeply for another human being.

That I gave all I had to make my relationship work.

That I have value and that I brought value to my relationship.

That I did the very best that I could and no one knows that better than I know myself.

No one can take that away from me… what I already know in my soul… in the deepest part of my heart.

People can gossip and say what they want, but it is up to me not to let other’s opinions of me diminish who and what I am.

I am a good person.

I am a child of God.

I am a caring and compassionate person who gave my best to my relationship.

It doesn’t matter what other people think.

What matters is what I know.

“Dear God, help me to believe in myself. Help me to let go of what other people think of me. Help me to remember that you and I know the truth about my relationship with my spouse and that’s all that matters.”