June 16th: Staying to Fight or Letting it Go

big bear morning

At the end of my marriage, I was unwilling to let go and accept that we were heading towards divorce.

I decided that I wasn’t going to give up without a fight and so, I convinced my husband that we should go to counseling together and I began to do everything I could to clean up “my side of the street.”

Nine months later: I was spiritually and physically much stronger but, nothing had changed in our relationship. My husband and I were still separated and though he claimed he wanted a divorce, he made no effort to move forward with his decision. We were in a suspended state of limbo and I had grown weary being the only one battling to save our marriage.

It was then that I knew it would be up to me to “let go” and break the stalemate: I chose to file for divorce.

I still did not want to let go of the fantasy that our marriage would somehow mend itself, but I knew in my heart… in my soul… that I would rather hold on to all of the love and good memories we had together than fight any longer to try to get them back.

It was a hard moment for me… a very sad one… but I also knew that it was the right one and that if in the future, something changed between us, we could both choose to not move forward with the proceeding.

Today, when I find myself in a stalemate. When I know that I am the only one fighting to save a relationship. I remember this moment from my marriage and it gives me strength to do what I know I must do:

Hold on to the love and the good memories… and choose to let go of the fight and move on.

“Dear God, help me to cherish the good in all of my relationships and to learn and grow from trials or difficulties I may have faced during my time with those I have loved.”

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