October 13th: Relief

After months of fighting to save my marriage, I was surprised to find that when the end of our relationship finally arrived, I was relieved.

I felt a soothing calm over my entire body.

My mind slowed and relaxed.

It was no different then any physical struggle: I was worn by the constant battle… the constant expenditure of energy.

I still had my moments of sadness, of melancholy… that quiet longing for what I could no longer have… but the relief filled me with a new found strength and hope. I could now see that there was a release to this painful time in my life.

There was a sense of drive again… of wanting to move forward.

I began to conquer little things I had been neglecting for months during my emotional turmoil:

Washing clothes.

Paying bills.

Cleaning the house.

Getting the car tuned-up.

Each chore that had once seemed so overwhelming to me during my pain, now seemed like a small accomplishment.

And each small accomplishment, added to my relief and soon… I felt pleased with my progress and actually happy that I was moving on.

Relief soothed my soul and brought me peace as the door to my marriage finally closed.

“Dear God, thank you for bringing me relief from my pain. Thank you for walking with me through the pain I endured.”

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10 thoughts on “October 13th: Relief

  1. My divorce will be final later this week. When I look back a few months ago I was filled with grief. But, today, I sense relief coming as you described. It will provide literal and psychological closing of a chapter in my life.
    It’s time to welcome that.

    • Wow… you and Judy… both commented on this post and you are both about to finalize your divorces. You will be surprised at the relief… it is an overwhelming moment of AHHHHHHHHH. I felt settled afterwards… ready to get to the task at hand: working on my life and me! 🙂 D.

  2. So interesting that my divorce might become final later this month, too. I am ready to close that door. The whole process has been filled with emotional turmoil balanced with a beautiful sense of freedom. Leaving the turmoil behind is truly going to be freedom. I do love the way you wrote this about relief!

  3. I have only felt that total relief a few times in my life Judy and always…. at the end of VERY difficult relationships… I just went through this with a friendship. I just couldn’t talk to the person any more… I kept slipping into the same old patterns I had with my husband. I asked nicely for a month’s space and my God the moment I asked and hung up the phone I felt a WAVE of relief wash over me… it was just TOO difficult… too frustrating… the break gave me time to re-evaluate what I would need to continue the friendship… I think you will feel GREAT relief… and… a bit of sadness and loss… but I know you will make it through… you have such a strong spirit! 🙂 D.

  4. It’s interesting that when it did finalize this past week, I did “exhale”!
    And then the next day the flashbacks returned along with a wave of grief. Seems there will be a challenge handling these conflicting emotions, but overall relief and the feeling of true freedom is so real now.
    Thank you – and my best to Judy too

  5. My divorce won’t be final for a few months. Even though a piece of paper says we aren’t married anymore, I feel like I will still be emotional. I can’t just turn off the emotions. It’s not as easy as signing a piece of paper.

    • No… you are right.. it isn’t that easy. You are going to go through the gamut of emotions. I was married for close to twenty years… it took about two years to grieve my loss completely and about another three not to be triggered by conversations, emails, or his actions. Today, I am so VERY glad that the universe got me out of my own way but having him leave me… I am living my true life today… a full and happy life…. with a partner who cherishes what I bring to his world. You will get to the other side Jules… I promise… my words are here for you and I am here for you…. and others, like Patricia who commented above are here for you… she is just finishing out her first year…. and she will tell you the difference in her emotions is really “Night and Day”
      D.

      • Thanks..
        He moved out LAST August and that’s when I got the papers. (2013)

        It has taken me this long to grieve. Now I am full of hatred for him.

        Time will pass and that will too.

        We’re all in this together, right?

  6. Yes… the hatred will pass too…. for me…. I was just SO hurt that it went straight to anger and hate for quite awhile… and I hated when people would say… “give it time… you will get over it” or “time heals all wounds” it was like that scene in As Good as it Gets where Jack Nicholson screams “I’m drowning here and YOUR DESCRIBING THE WATER!” But… time DID move me through… and now I rarely think about my ex-husband… my son sees him monthly… and once in awhile he pops by the house… but now… I honestly can’t imagine that I ever thought he would be a good fit as a mate for me… “for life”… funny how that happens… D.

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