November 7th: Disappointment

Note to my readers: please excuse the tardiness of several posts! I have been a traveling writer recently and often in locations where internet is not accessible… know that if I am unable to be with you in words… I am with you in thought… and that my prayers for you are: May you be strong… May you be happy… May you be well… May you be at ease. D.

After my divorce, my disappointment over the end of my marriage and my struggle with obsessing on the “what it could have been…” left me terrified to open my heart to another.

I was afraid to care for someone again.

I was afraid to want someone again.

It seemed easier, at the time, to remain… “closed off” or “behind a wall…” and refuse to let anyone in.

If I remained distant… then I wouldn’t be hurt and that way… I wouldn’t be let down… I couldn’t be “left behind.”

I made a lot of mistakes during this time period.

I let a lot of great people leave my life for fear that they may get too close and I may be disappointed once again.

But living life is not about “hiding behind a wall” and refusing to let others into my heart.

Life and love are about connections, shared history, and messy emotional ups and downs.

By fearlessly giving myself entirely over to another human being… heart and soul… and accepting that with the sadness will also come great joy, I live life to the fullest and I walk my true spiritual path.

“Dear God, help me to be brave and open my heart to others.  Help me to see that by being generous and fearless with my love I live a life full of grace and joy.”

6 thoughts on “November 7th: Disappointment

  1. Patricia just the other night I caught myself giving out way too much information to someone I did not know very well because they were friends with a “mutual” friend and I thought they may have “heard” something that I “may” have to explain… hahahhaah I was about half way through my obsessive chatter when I went.. what the heck? and stopped… 🙂 just keep moving forward… progress not perfection…. always working on it! 😀

  2. Absolutely ! I feel I’m starting to move forward. I’ve had a few instances in the past 10 days that are very similar – and I’m learning it just doesn’t matter, and explaining myself or asking about my ex just pushes all the wrong buttons for me. Moving away from it!

  3. thank you for sharing your schedule, I thought something was wrong with my computer, I look forward to your words of wisdom everyday and know that your understanding is missed. thank you for being there and helping me rebuild myself, you a truly a blessing.

    • I’m so glad, Robert. I’m sorry for the tardiness. A few of the places I’ve been traveling lately have been remote locations. I’m going to start scheduling posts in advance so that they will post automatically. I hope you are doing well… getting through this… I know how difficult it is but it will get better… I promise. D.

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