Every once in awhile, no matter how I try to stay on my spiritual path, keep to my moral high road, or work to follow my Higher Power’s direction, I still find myself wallowing in self-pity.
This self-pity almost always has something to do with losing a person that I loved.
It has always been hard for me to recover from a loss, especially when the loss is related to someone who chose to walk away from what I was offering: myself.
And when I fall into self-pity, I am left feeling wounded, abandoned, and disheartened.
When I am in this place of despair, I have learned to ask myself several questions which help to pull me out of my pain and back into a place of loving-kindness.
The questions are simple, but straight to the point:
1. Do I regret the time I spent with this person?
2. Do I regret the love I gave them?
3. Do I regret the memories of our time together? The things we created together?
4. If I had a chance to “do it over again” would I take it back? Choose to never have this person in my life?
My answer to each question is always the same… No.
Even though I suffer the pain of the loss now, maybe even regrets related to things I feel I could have done differently in the relationship, I know that the pain I feel is one of mourning and that mourning is how I pay homage to important people or events in my life.
The intensity of my emotion, of my attachment, reminds me that what I gave was valuable, that I was true to my heart, and no matter the outcome, I am thankful for my generous spirit and my bravery in being willing to share myself with another human being.
“Dear God, thank you for bringing people into my life who have taught me how to love, and how to bear loss. Thank you for showing me that love is a gift that should be cherished.”
I love what you wrote. It is very helpful for me as I deal with separation after a long marriage. Thank you.
Thank you Judy. I hope you are doing well, working on your music, healing, and moving forward on your path! 🙂
I am still wrestling with whether or not I regret giving the love, the trust and so many, many years to the marriage and then have it trampled by so much lying and deception. But how could I just whitewash it with regret? Seems I would end up living in the past! It’s feeling like regret is also like letting go of anger, of accepting that I am not a victim, and working on forgiveness.
You are so smart! Those questions are perfect.
The questions help me to stay out of self-pity. I hope you are having a good day. Calm and peaceful. 🙂 D.