Sometimes, even when I know it is not in my best interest, I slip and let someone back into my life who I really should be keeping my distance from.
Usually, it is when I’m feeling melancholy or nostalgic, especially around a special event or the holiday season.
When I’m caught up in the moment, it seems that I am being foolish, silly actually, and that I should just let this person know that I miss them.
But the problem is… my feelings change from minute-to-minute… especially, when I am recovering from a loss or a break-up.
One minute… I do truly miss that person terribly… but the next minute… I’m afraid that if I open the door even a crack, they will come back into my world, hurt me, leave me suffering, once again in pain and despair, and then I will have to start the process of healing my broken heart all over again.
I know that it is hard to keep my physical and emotional distance when I so long for the attention of someone I once loved or still love, but I must make a concentrated effort to stay the course, and allow time to heal my wounds.
I must not be hard on myself when I slip… I am not perfect… I will falter now and again but, it is in my best interest to stay away until I can make a sound decision regarding contact.
“Dear God, help me to move forward on my path and allow time and distance to heal my heart.”
For me it isn’t about letting in someone who has hurt me before, as that could only be my ex, and that isn’t going to happen. It’s about someone new. When does one start dating again? How close do you let yourself get, or let them in? Dealing with that wall that is now around my heart, dealing with the battle between wanting somebody else for the right reasons and wanting somebody because of loneliness.
Yes… I totally understand. I waited a year before dating. It just seemed to difficult for me to let someone in when I was mourning the loss of my marriage and also working to grow and figure out what I really wanted my life to “be like” after my ex. My first episodes in dating… I often chose men similar in looks or mannerisms to my ex because it felt familiar. Of course… they ended quickly because I knew that I was walking down the same old street. Take your time… keep busy and active… do the things you love and you will find people there 🙂 D.