December 9th: Resentments

December 9th-Resentments

During my marriage, and later in my divorce, I lived with resentment:

Resentment over expectations I had related to my relationship and my husband.

But now that years have passed since my divorce, and I have had time to reflect on my marriage, I see that I spent a lot of time creating my own resentment by not living in reality.

Did I have a right to set boundaries in my marriage?

Yes.

Did I have a right to have a certain set of shared ideals with my spouse?

Yes.

We have a right to create parameters of acceptable conduct in all of our relationships.

But… when a person I love continues to repeat a behavior time-and-time again, and I expect that behavior to magically change, I am not accepting the situation for what it is… I am waiting on the fantasy.

The reality is… if I find another person’s behavior completely unacceptable then it is up to me to make the choice:

Do I change my attitude and learn to accept it?

Do I make a stand, hold my ground, and create consequences for their actions?

Or… do I re-evaluate my commitment to that person and look at the possibly that it may never be a good fit?

To let go of resentment and move forward on my spiritual path, I have to be honest.

It may result in letting go of someone I love to save my own sanity but over time, I will see that it is best for both of us to walk our own spiritual paths that match our chosen code of conduct, rather then harm each other by staying in a stagnant relationship full of anger and resentment.

“Dear God, help me to accept life on life’s terms. Help me to be true to myself and honest with those that I love.”

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4 thoughts on “December 9th: Resentments

    • Yes… in David Richo’s book about relationships he talks about that…. how we are all human… we all “look” at others and admire beauty… BUT that if it bothers your mate you should make a committment to look when your mate is not present… out of respect… oogling is different from admiring for sure…

  1. I am starting to “look back” a bit at the divorce since a year has passed. I had resentment during the last few years our marriage, and I can see that much of it was from trying to “fix things” . You can’t change someone else, or yourself, frankly, if that’s not a welcome action. And, when the partnership breaks down to just existing, and you realize you’re the only one really participating, it’s time to let go, rather than fuel the resentment further.

  2. Sometimes it just takes awhile to learn it! I still catch myself trying to “fix” students or “fix” friends and I have to step back… and let them learn to “fix” things for themselves 😉

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