There were times during my marriage and later, my divorce, where I struggled with resolution.
It wasn’t always easy for me to make a firm decision to do something or for that matter… to not do something.
I was often worried that if I did make a decision… it would be the wrong one or…
If I decided to choose to “not act at all”… I was basically accepting behavior I found intolerable.
This inability to resolve myself to making a decision, left me in limbo and in a state of fear: too afraid to accept any action and constantly worried that I would be blamed for my choices.
But then, after spending time looking at my character flaws, I realized that my inability to commit was due to my “all or nothing” attitude and my way of letting emotions rule my world.
Now, I know that I must make decisions, even if at times it is uncomfortable to do so. I also know that my decision to act… or not to act… can be just “for today” and modified as needed if I find my first decision is not working to help move me forward on my spiritual path.
“Dear God, help me to make decisions with a clear mind. Help me to move forward on my spiritual path, and out of limbo, through the choices I make.”
I agree- making decisions can be so hard with emotions flying. But I did find during my divorce that staying in limbo or deferring decision to my ex was even harder, especially when I realized I had been in the habit of doing that! And I had conditioned myself to be afraid to decide even small , daily things because, gosh!, I might make a mistake.
After the divorce I have the new-found freedom to make my decisions and now getting comfortable to do that! Actually relaxing a big more and making less impulsive moves and not being so hard on myself – or someone else.
Yes… here comes the shoulda wouldas! It always feels better to make a decision, take control of the path… but then for me… when my ex would react, I would panic and chastise myself for making a decision! I’m glad you are relaxing a bit more and not being so hard on yourself. 🙂 D.
I spent a whole year making the decision to divorce after spending several years waiting for my husband to get sober and stop being a jerk to me. Even though I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do on so many levels I just wanted to be sure. I’m now one week divorced and although I was so sad the night before, I’ve been doing well since. I gave my marriage my all, I gave my husband my all, and now I’m going to give me a chance. It’s weird, I have run my own successful practice for 20 years, easily making decisions and moving on but I dragged my feet regarding the divorce until I knew it was time. I’m glad I waited because I became so sure. I still love my husband as a friend, father of my children, and in one month we will welcome a grandson! I’m looking forward to the future.
Oh Helene, I know exactly what you mean. I’m the same way about making decisions in my work life… sure and steady… my marriage… that was difficult. I’m so glad you are doing well. Lots of ups and downs and setbacks and step forwards. I’m here for you. 🙂 D.