In my marriage, I often tolerated a great deal of unacceptable behavior.
I thought that by tolerating it, I was showing how willing I was to work on the relationship, how much I loved my husband, how I was always ready to “suffer” to prove my loyalty.
But what I was really proving was that I had no boundaries: That I would willingly take anything and still participate in a relationship that was not in my best interest.
Today I know, that I cannot sit idly by and allow someone to walk all over me.
That does not prove my unconditional love to that person… that only teaches another human being that they can basically act without any responsibility or consequence for their choices in our relationship.
No matter how I may love and want another human being in my life, if I catch myself allowing all behaviors, even those that are unacceptable to me, or finding myself feeling victimized each time I try to give my all, then it is time for me to look at my own unacceptable behavior: my behavior of people-pleasing at the detriment to my health, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
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“Dear God, help me to keep fair boundaries in all of my relationships. Help me to love myself enough to make changes in my own behavior and the strength to be responsible in all of my choices.”
Daily Divorce Meditations 
This post is great I accept bad behaviour because I don’t want to be the nagging girlfriend but you’re right all it is doing is allowing someone to see my boundaries are low and allow them to continue. Thanks.
Oh I totally understand. I have never liked the nagging girlfriend role either…. someone once told me… ask for what you want one time… and if they still continue with poor behavior… you have your answer! Boy was that an eye opener! You are right to set boundaries… you are worth it! 🙂
Sometimes your writing resonates completely through me. Years of poor behavior followed by a year of horrific behavior towards me and I finally realized I had fallen out of love. I remember telling him that “I was broken”. In reality we can be broken, never to be put back the same but hoping to be put back stronger with way less tolerance if this bad behavior. Thanks!!
Helene, I’ve been on the other side for awhile now and I find that it is MUCH easier for me to keep boundaries after all I’ve been through and… working on myself during that time period. I do slip, with people that are similar to my ex at times, but I catch myself very quickly and rectify the situation almost immediately. Also, my ex was a recovering addict… a person who tended to constantly push boundaries to see what they could get away with… my new partner does not feel the need to “test the limits” out of respect for both of us and I can’t tell you how lovely it is. I know you will have that one day too! 🙂 D.