December 16th: Memories

December 16th-The Past

When I first went through my divorce, my feelings and my memories were so intense that they often hindered my progress in the present.

I spent so much time examining what had happened in my past, turning over each and every memory to see if it held the answer to what went wrong, that I wasn’t living in the moment.

I found myself unable to recover from my pain because I was constantly reliving it.

These memories had such a hold on me, that when friends would suggest places to go or things to do in my hometown, I would decline the invitation. Why? Because each location held a memory related to my marriage, or to my separation, or to my divorce, and each location held pain from my past.

I was worried that when I went out, people would ask me questions like, Where is your husband? Or… What happened? You two seemed so happy?

I was living in fear and soon, I was in a prison of my own making: I was trapped emotionally and physically in my mind and I knew, that I must stop ruminating and find the courage to move forward.

It took a lot of spiritual footwork but I was able to make it through to the other side.

Today, if I catch myself dwelling on my past, I look at the moment, exam it, allow myself to feel the emotions it brings, and then I turn it over to my Higher Power.

If someone asks me about my relationship, I am kind in my response and simply state the truth: We are no longer together.

If I am asked out to events at locations that may hold past memories, I willingly accept the invitation and choose to create new, wonderful memories there with friends and loved ones that want to be part of my life, that invite me to share time with them.

The past is the past.

Yes, it often holds the answers to our choices, our behaviors, what we need to work on in the present, but I cannot be a prisoner to it for if I am, I have lost my way on my spiritual journey.

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“Dear God, help me to let go of my painful past. I have learned the lessons you have wanted me to learn now let me walk bravely into my future.”

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3 thoughts on “December 16th: Memories

  1. Wow – I have been reliving so many painful memories, lately, as I cope with separation. Your first two sentences could have been written by me. May I share them on my blog? It sure is helpful to know that evaluating what went wrong is not unique to my situation. I want to move forward and let go of the past. Thank you for your insightful words.

  2. D, now that I’m starting to see the fog lift in my mind. I couldn’t have described how things have happened over the past year any better! Wow
    And now , I’ve seen progress- the memories are finally fainter, and I didn’t know until recently that my good friends, family , and people I meet, are talking to me as me, not as “the two of us”. I just couldn’t “get it”. Now I do.
    Holidays have been very dark for me in the past. I think this season may hold more joy and calm than I’d expected .

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