December 18th: Playing Out Old Hurts

December 18th- Playing Out Old Hurts

After my divorce, I took time to heal from my painful wounds before beginning the task of dating again.

I waited a year, sure that I had mourned the loss of my marriage a reasonable amount of time, and positive that the spiritual footwork I had completed would lead me to make good choices when looking for a new partner.

But… I found myself still unable to clearly navigate.

I tended to pick partners similar to my ex-husband… not necessarily in looks; but definitely in words and actions.

The men I gravitated towards, had character defects that felt familiar, even comfortable to me and I used my present partners to play out old hurts.

I soon realized that I was not ready for dating.

Why?

Because I was repeating old patterns and expecting different results.

I was afraid to move away from what was familiar to me even if it brought me pain, even if I knew that type of relationship would no longer work in my life.

After several more months of spiritual footwork, I felt ready to set out once again.

I had a new and different idea of what I wanted in a relationship: I was ready to look for a partner who was available, respectful, loving, and able to commit fully to me as we worked together towards a common goal.

“Dear God, help me to move forward without repeating the past. Help me to see that I have nothing to fear by letting go of old behaviors that no longer suit my best self.”

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2 thoughts on “December 18th: Playing Out Old Hurts

  1. Do you feel they truly were like your ex, or do you think you could have been projecting, or imagining their similarities to him, and highlighting them as more than mere coincidence? I felt that I was finding men like my ex too, until someone pointed out to me that I was simply focusing on minor details where they did something like my ex, or liked the same food or something and that I was focusing on those things instead of getting to know the person for who they really are. I think that is something we can all find ourselves doing after a divorce. I wish you the best in going forward, I know it is hard to get back out there.

  2. I wish that were the case… but I tend to gravitate toward alcoholic addicts… very similar in all of their character flaws… Today, I am with someone who does not fall into that category and I am rarely my shadow self when with him 🙂 although… every once in awhile I catch myself pulling out my old behaviors…

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