Just recently I was invited to go out of town for a short overnight trip.
Though I knew I would be surrounded by others who loved and cared for me on this mini-vacation… I began to find myself immediately hedge.
I had so much to do at home.
What about writing? I might get behind on my book or my columns.
I had to clean the house. It had been weeks since I had set it straight.
Then I let my mind begin to mull over all of my insecurities for not attending the event.
What if there were people there that didn’t like me? I’d be stuck with them.
Did I really want to drive with everyone? What if I decided I wanted to leave and I couldn’t?
I caught myself in the midst of creating a million reasons for why I shouldn’t go and then realized how ridiculous I was being by making such a big “to-do” over a 24-hour period of time.
I knew that I was truly struggling with balance and that I needed to go on this trip.
It was important to force myself out of my comfort zone: the place that I often hid after being wounded by painful events.
I accepted the invitation and then went about the task of creating boundaries that would help me make this first outing one that would be balanced between what I feared… and what I longed for; comfort.
I chose to drive on my own and meet my friends there.
I booked a single room, so that I had a place to go to if I became overwhelmed.
When I arrived at the destination, I found that all of my fears were invalid.
I had a lovely time with my friends, I was happy they had invited me, and proud that I was able to “nudge” myself out of my comfort zone.
By setting up boundaries that were acceptable to me, I was able to allow myself to have feelings, without allowing my feelings to control me.
I do not have to take an “all or nothing” attitude when searching for balance.
I can create a plan that soothes my soul, while I take small steps that move me forward on my spiritual path.
_
“Dear God, thank you for providing opportunities that allow me to grow as a person. Help me to face my fears bravely as I walk into my future.”
Daily Divorce Meditations 
I’m still getting used to doing things “on my own” and I often feel just as you described and did the same thing — took my own car, told myself I’d be fine and if not, I could leave early if need be. Friends do understand … they want you to be there and the closest friends really do understand and give latitude to do what feels comfortable.
It’s such an adjustment! Seems in the past I was the last person who would shy away from getting together, and would be hosting friends and family on a moment’s notice.
But the boundaries really have changed, and I have to take events a step at a time.
I’m hoping to get back to my more happy self as I adjust to this major change in how I literally socialize with others.
You will get there…. and you are creating new boundaries that are comfortable for you! 🙂