The other day, I had a moment where I felt the urge to get into an argument with my ex-husband.
He had said something to our son about me that seemed unkind and unnecessary.
I was hurt… angry… and I wanted a chance to harm him with my own words for causing me pain.
As I drove around the corner in my car, and saw him standing with our son in my driveway, I felt my anger rise and could barely wait to park the car and let him have it.
But then… my spiritual growth kicked in… and I was able to sit for a moment and let that entire scenario play out.
How would my anger help my son?
Would it show him how to behave appropriately in a relationship?
Would it make him comfortable watching his mother be sarcastic and hurtful towards his father?
Would I stand out as an example to my child of how a mature adult, working towards taking the “moral high ground,” should behave?
No.
I chose to calm my thoughts and pray for my ex-husband’s well being.
I then got out of the car, opened the door of my house, walked straight in, and did not engage with my ex-husband for the rest of that day.
The relief of “not getting into it” in front of my child, of setting a good example soothed my soul.
There are times in life when something must be said… and there are times in life when I must practice the habit of self-control.
Today, I choose to think before I act.
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“Dear God, help me to choose my battles wisely. Help me to have self-control in my words and actions when it is for the greater good of all involved.”
Daily Divorce Meditations 
So well written and said! Wish I could have read this just before Christmas when I chose to speak and probably should have practiced self control!
Happy New Year Anna. So easy to slip and lose control. It is a daily practice for me. 🙂 D.
Happy New year to you too. I have to balance finding my voice which is something I didn’t do in my marriage with holding back and practicing self control as well. So tricky.
I remember similar moments before my ex left … and from that point I have been trying to “think twice” before venting or making unnecessary and sarcastic remarks with family and friends. Doesn’t help any of us and just reopens wounds. But sometimes it’s sooo hard to hold back.
Both of you are absolutely right! So tricky… and hard to hold back when engaged. I try to remind myself that when I go off… I ALWAYS regret it…. but that when I hold back…. I have a chance to calm down and I can ALWAYS say something later 🙂 D.
Thanks DD; I know that’s true, and I’m got to get better at it!
Me too! 🙂 D.
Oh m goodness, you are and have lived my life LOL Love it…thank you so much for sharing!!!! God is good all of the time, and all of the time God is Good. Peace and blessings!
Boy, it this couldn’t have come at a better time! Self-control is something I have to practice with my ex on a daily basis. My ex has ongoing anger issues and lives in the past, not able to move on. It’s very tempting to lash out to hurtful things he says about and to me but then I find myself feeling more hurt and stooping to his level. I find that when he says mean and hurtful things about me, I can now respond calmly and not react, which, unfortunately, seems to make him angrier. Self-control makes me stronger each day and not respond or give-in to his tactics. I love your posts, read them daily. Thank you for helping me move on more fully and spiritually. 🙂