One of the most difficult struggles in my life is dealing with attachment and change.
I am a creature of habit.
I love my world to be bound by routine.
My home life.
My work life.
So, when a change occurs that I perceive as threatening or negative… I tend to react poorly.
And though I have always struggled, my entire life, with attachment and change, my divorce intensified my fear.
I was told so many times by the person that I trusted and loved that:
Nothing was wrong.
It’s work. It’s not you.
I text and call less because I’m busy not because I don’t love you.
And so, I ignored my instincts, trusted in my spouse, only to find out that he was unhappy… he was leaving… and that our relationship was over.
His betrayal absolutely rocked my entire foundation and it has taken a significant amount of time and spiritual footwork to recover from that emotional blow.
I was attached.
I was in love.
I didn’t want things to change.
But they did.
Today, I must work diligently at stepping back from my emotional attachment when someone in my life suddenly changes behaviors and texts less, calls less, compliments me less, or is absent more often from my day-to-day world.
It is so easy for me to hold on to the “story” of my past and make-up a “story” about my present that says… It happened before. It will happen again.
And… I have to be honest with myself… it may happen again.
I cannot be naive about the fact that I may be hurt in my new relationship but…
I cannot stand in limbo… or live in doubt… because of my fears.
Life is constant change and I must learn how to move through it and find acceptance in the reality of my world.
And with my significant other?
I have to to be understanding and note that relationships do change over time, the honeymoon phase is always sure to end. I must choose to fight my fear as I watch and wait to see if this is a signal of some greater problem in the relationship or just the normal fluctuation of life and love.
“Dear God, help me to be patient and accept change. Help me to detach with love as I learn and grow in this new relationship.”
Yes, I remember being told so often: ” I’m the one person you will always be able to count on”.
Well, things do change.
I know I did the best I could but sometimes people just can’t take mutual responsibility, and plan their escape instead.
It has taken a lot of time to accept this and move on with some days still being very difficult.
But a life lesson learned and I’ll be much more open / manage my expectations so much better as I develop new relationships.
Just remember…. he’s now signed up for “mutual responsibility” again and if he continues on in the same behavior… he will get stuck all over again. 🙂 we so often think the other “person” has something over on us… they don’t! It is a hard life lesson to learn but you just work to keep the focus on you and work on your own spiritual footwork and you will be amazed at what comes your way when you are ready for it! 🙂 D.
I am beginning to see this , and believe things will be better! I know they already are and I’m starting to recognize them, finally .
Yes , reviewing our comments , and your experience and intuition . 🙂
He’s still there … Supposedly happy , and ” stuck” , absolutely. No nirvana
I actually spoke to him after almost 3 years , recently .
One of our closest friends passed.
I felt it was the best thing to at least acknowledge , and ask if he was alright.
Then he told a friend … I miss her voice – so good to hear it .