One of the most difficult struggles in my life is dealing with attachment and change.
I am a creature of habit.
I love my world to be bound by routine.
My home life.
My work life.
So, when a change occurs that I perceive as threatening or negative… I tend to react poorly.
And though I have always struggled, my entire life, with attachment and change, my divorce intensified my fear.
I was told so many times by the person that I trusted and loved that:
Nothing was wrong.
It’s work. It’s not you.
I text and call less because I’m busy not because I don’t love you.
And so, I ignored my instincts, trusted in my spouse, only to find out that he was unhappy… he was leaving… and that our relationship was over.
His betrayal absolutely rocked my entire foundation and it has taken a significant amount of time and spiritual footwork to recover from that emotional blow.
I was attached.
I was in love.
I didn’t want things to change.
But they did.
Today, I must work diligently at stepping back from my emotional attachment when someone in my life suddenly changes behaviors and texts less, calls less, compliments me less, or is absent more often from my day-to-day world.
It is so easy for me to hold on to the “story” of my past and make-up a “story” about my present that says… It happened before. It will happen again.
And… I have to be honest with myself… it may happen again.
I cannot be naive about the fact that I may be hurt in my new relationship but…
I cannot stand in limbo… or live in doubt… because of my fears.
Life is constant change and I must learn how to move through it and find acceptance in the reality of my world.
And with my significant other?
I have to to be understanding and note that relationships do change over time, the honeymoon phase is always sure to end. I must choose to fight my fear as I watch and wait to see if this is a signal of some greater problem in the relationship or just the normal fluctuation of life and love.
“Dear God, help me to be patient and accept change. Help me to detach with love as I learn and grow in this new relationship.”