Going through a difficult divorce taught me so much about what I wanted in life and reminded me how much the little things matter.
What I missed most during our break-up were all of the small niceties that let me know that I was wanted… cared for:
A quick I love you at the beginning of a busy day…
Or maybe a short call saying that I was missed… in the afternoon.
Coming home to find a meal cooked… or the house cleaned.
Sharing a laugh… an inside joke between the two of us.
These were the things I pined for so much once I was no longer in my marriage.
The little things.
But the pain of those lonely days after my divorce became a valuable teacher. The moments I cherished, remembered, longed for reminded me of how I wanted to behave in my future relationships: considerate and thoughtful on a daily basis… taking the time to share the little things with the one that I loved.
“Dear God, thank you for the daily kindnesses. The small moments that bring great joy.”
It is in all of these small little places I miss my husband and who he was for me. I guess for where I am right now it is the best I can do to get myself to work, to be there for my students, to come home and be there for my daughter, to try to find the mental ability to focus and continue with the classes I am taking towards my future, and to believe that one day this will happen naturally. That this dark pit where I seem to exist from, where I wake up in, move in, and go to sleep in…will someday be different. I try to force it to change, I try to cry my way out of it, I try to rationalize my way out…but it is my existence. I just want to feel better, and I don’t. I want to believe it will get better, but the whole of my being doesn’t know how. I feel like I am walking in a painful numbness that consumes all of me. Remembering the small things we did for each other reminds me of the loss, of the failure, of the grief and pain. This is my second marriage and I have never, ever felt such loss…even my marriage with my children’s biological dad did not shake the foundation of my soul like this one has. I just don’t know how much pain a soul can endure.
I promise you… you will make it through…. Your story is so similar to mine in so many ways… When my husband left, I had to really work each day to still be there for my own children and my students, to continue on in my classes for my Master’s degree so that my family would have a solid financial life without my husband. The pain, the grief, the heartache, the feeling of failure were all so overwhelming. It is amazing what we can endure… and you will endure it for yourself and the people that depend on you: your children.
I’m here for you. D.
I know these posts were a year ago and I hope all is so much better for Neptune66.
I’ve been there…
Some days my mind still tries to go there!
Those “little things” are important and amplify the loss- I miss having the “partnership” rather than my ex personally now. It’s all been for the best even though it will take much time to fill my life with new partnerships and a better way to live each day.
I hope so too Patricia, and Neptune66 know… if you are still reading…. we are both thinking about you!
As I sit here on Good Friday reading this I feel blessed that I have others thinking of me with such kindness. YES Patricia, it is so much better for me now. I made it through the first year of separation/divorce and it was shortly after that that I began to take hold of my happiness again. At the “year anniversary” a wise woman provided me with some sage advice and told me that it is my job to “love again”, that I “had withheld love from everyone including myself during this last year and it was time to let the love that I have inside shine”. With those words and with time, there was an opening in the numbing grief that had consumed my every hour of the last year, and into that opening I injected optimism and love, knowing I had made it through the worst and that I was going to be more than just okay. Thank you D for all your words throughout the year, promising me just that! That it would get better. I remember so many times as I read those words I thought “no, I just don’t know how it will ever get better” but… You were right! For the first time in my life I am content being on my own, being without a relationship, being my own partner. Thank you for all the support and words that kept me afloat on some of those stormy days! Much love and kindness heading to you both!
Yes, it was the little things i pined for back in the early days, although that has since past.
However, sharing current ‘little moments’ with my children, family and friends is an important part of enjoyment in my life. Thanks for this post and the reminder 🙂
Yes…. me too… and then just like you…. I began to realize how many others I had in my life who were right there wanting to share the “little things” with me…. and I embraced the change. Perspective… it makes all the difference…. and letting go of course 😀
Your words just made my day… SO happy to know you are healthy and well and on the other side. I knew you would get there…. and Patricia… you will too! 🙂 D.
Thank you D… I believe I really am starting to heal …
And so glad to hear Neptune66 that your life is so much better now. Wishing you the very best!☺️
I like coming around to this great post after a year has passed.
We do move through , and I do still miss some of those “moments” but not with pain anymore.
I am so grateful for the friends who are here – and hoe I’ve learned to share more , and really develop lasting , loving friendships.
I was so hidden for so long.
Perhaps in the future , near future, I’ll be ready /open to date.
It just hasn’t happened yet.
Take your time… dating will come… and that will be a WHOLE other interesting experience and I will be here for you! 🙂 D.
Here we are , another year has passed!
Life is so incredibly different now.
We’ve had so many dialogues about how time and moving ahead each day will bring new revelations about how life can be , and re-engaging with ” the rest of the world ” will come. Thank goodness it does 🙂
Isn’t it amazing? The difference from our first dialogue until now? 🙂 I told ya! Big HUG. D.