Even though I have been divorced many years, I still find that there are moments where something my ex-husband says or does becomes an emotional trigger.

The triggers have diminished over time, but when they do occur, I am always caught off guard:

These triggers make it extremely hard to control my temper, or stop a verbal outburst against him.

I have learned though, that it is best to hold my tongue if possible or I will be the one in need of making an amends.

And why would I be the one making an amends if his behavior is so offensive?

Not because I agree with, or accept what he says or does but… because I no longer want to be reacting to his behavior or acting in a manner that is not true to my spiritual path and if I choose to engage inappropriately… then I am the one that will need to make an amends.

I know today, that these triggers are actually reminders of what I still need to work on in my own life: Issues I need to let go of and new boundaries I may need to be brave enough to set.

I must work always, to communicate in a way that represents my true, kind and compassionate self, even when an emotional trigger arises.

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“Dear God, help me to think before I speak. Help me to be calm before I react.”

Today marks a great loss for me.

One that I doubt I will ever recover from… the loss of someone very dear to me.

The time without him has been difficult and there have been many moments where I felt my despair would carry me to a place where recovery was not possible.

But still… I am grateful every day for the short time that he was in my life.

I would not take back my life with him to escape suffering today.

I could never regret loving him… only losing him.

I think of him often, and even now, his memory reminds me each day:

To be there for others…

Live life to the fullest…

Have compassion for all.

He reminds me that I will never know what may happen from one moment to the next and that I should always end my conversations with those I love, with the kindest words… showing my truest heart.

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“Dear God, thank you for bringing love into my life. Help me to be strong when change is upon me. Help me to see that in faith I find strength.”