April 3rd: Triggers

April 2nd-RORY

Even though I have been divorced many years, I still find that there are moments where something my ex-husband says or does becomes an emotional trigger.

The triggers have diminished over time, but when they do occur, I am always caught off guard:

These triggers make it extremely hard to control my temper, or stop a verbal outburst against him.

I have learned though, that it is best to hold my tongue if possible or I will be the one in need of making an amends.

And why would I be the one making an amends if his behavior is so offensive?

Not because I agree with, or accept what he says or does but… because I no longer want to be reacting to his behavior or acting in a manner that is not true to my spiritual path and if I choose to engage inappropriately… then I am the one that will need to make an amends.

I know today, that these triggers are actually reminders of what I still need to work on in my own life: Issues I need to let go of and new boundaries I may need to be brave enough to set.

I must work always, to communicate in a way that represents my true, kind and compassionate self, even when an emotional trigger arises.

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“Dear God, help me to think before I speak. Help me to be calm before I react.”

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6 thoughts on “April 3rd: Triggers

  1. I haven’t seen or needed to see or speak with my ex so I haven’t gauged how I will react but this post is great advice! The triggers I experience most right now come from comments by friends or family and memories/ reminders popping up. And I’m having to be careful to not dwell on these or over analyze!

    • Yes some friends and family members are not very helpful at the beginning…. they may share information that isn’t necessary to your well-being believing they are either… a. helping…. b. telling you first before you “hear it on the street” or c. just completely oblivious to the fact that they just said something that is going to cause you to obsess. I learned who I could hang out with…. who in my family I could talk to…. and I avoided the rest until I was in a better emotional place. Speaking to my ex in the beginning was a HUGE emotional trigger. It was VERY hard not to react to his behavior.

  2. I love coming here and reading through your posts. Have some tough writing deadlines right now and then I saw “triggers” 🙂
    I’m amazed going into the second year of being divorced , how this has changed.
    Family and friends have also moved on and he’s just not an important topic of discussion.
    I know this would be considerably different if we’d had children together.
    The only thing that is helpful is that they will tell me if he’s around so I don’t get surprised and run into him.
    Although I think could handle that … Now.
    I’m continuing to learn each day that moving on takes a lot of time, and will be a continuing process .
    Best to going into holidays this weekend

  3. Writing deadlines? OY! Get on that! 😀 Yes… time really does the trick doesn’t it? So amazing. My ex and I do have children together and at first it was a bit difficult because I had to see him when I REALLY didn’t want to see him… and he often brought his new person with him to events that seemed it was way too soon for her to be at… I made it through it though… a bit bruised around the edges… but I made it. Have a great weekend, Patricia… it is so nice to know you are doing well 😀

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