When I become overwhelmed with frustration, distraught by a given situation, it is easy to want to “give up” instead of “let go.”
I often confused these two in the beginning of my spiritual recovery but today… I know the difference.
If I allow my anger, my despair, my obsession to drive my decision regarding a difficult situation then I am giving up. I am no different than a child throwing a tantrum: unwilling to accept the situation as it is and throwing myself into a fit, until tired and worn down, I make a decision from my “shadow self” and not from a place of spiritual enlightenment.
When I disengage myself from a moment of intense passion; such as an argument gone awry, and take the time to weigh the situation calmly and rationally, from my highest spiritual place, removed from ego, I can come to the decision willingly to “let go.”
Letting go does not mean that I give up on a particular person, relationship, situation. Letting go is not about allowing my unruly emotions and my shadow self to rule the day.
Letting go is about accepting everything just as it is… accepting and then deciding how best to move forward for the sake of my own sanity and balance.
In all of my relationships, no matter what their current status: married, separated, divorced or even newly in-love, I must focus on letting go of the outcome and doing what I can in the present to benefit both myself and the person I care for.
“Dear God, help me to let go. Help me to accept life as it is and work towards moving forward with spiritual awareness.”
Reblogged this on Missives by Michelle and commented:
As I was sitting down, trying to decide which topic to write on, I decided to read through the blogs I follow. As usual, I had a “Wow” and ”Aha” moment as I read Daily Divorce Meditations.
I was just catching up with a friend of mine. When we lived in Oxford, two of our boys were the same age, in the same classes and were good friends. We try to get the boy’s together whenever we are in town for a visit. We were talking about my divorce and the ramifications it has had on the boys, especially Braxton. She noticed he was having a difficult time adjusting.
This began a conversation on the consequences of divorce. Boys seem to take divorce so much harder. They need their Dad daily in their life more than ever as teenage boys. They need him to pick them first. Dad’s are to model what a husband is to look like. He is to teach the boys how to be a man. Their Dad should teach them morals and values, right from wrong, what is socially and morally acceptable. They need stability, security and unconditional love given from both parents.
I expressed the fact that I do not want my divorce to have been in vain. I want to make sure that I ascertain the lessons that God has for me to learn. One of the things that I have realized God is trying to instill in me is that HE is the Way, the Truth and the Life. I have to let go and let God in all things. I am Co-Dependent. It is like being an alcoholic. I have to stand in front of Him daily and say, “I am sorry Dear Lord, I am being Co-Dependent again”. I have faith in Him, but I tend to try and do His job. It is so easy to just step back into that role without even realizing it. Therefore, I am constantly working on bettering myself and asking Him for forgiveness.
As I read todays Daily Divorce Meditation, it reminded me of my daily struggle to “let go and let God”. This does not come natural for me. I am a work in progress. I am thankful that God has allowed me to see this damaging flaw and given me the opportunity to change it and better myself. I cannot move on to have future successful relationships if I do not heal my part that injured my marriage.
May 26th: Love and Perspective
Hey D.d This message you wrote was so powerful for me. Yesterday I saw my kids dad at the grave site of our parents. Being Memorial day we both go to our parents graves and put flowers. Last year it was so odd but we ended up at the grave site around the same time. As he pulled up with his new wife (of 15 years) I saw them and watched as they pulled over to the side and sat in their car to wait for me to leave his mothers grave. I hurried and gathered my things, didn’t have the chance to really finish arranging the flowers on his mothers grave, but I left to give him and his new family time to pay their respects. After I went to my parents grave, same cemetery and sat their putting flowers on my parents grave when I realized that I needed to get something to wipe and clean my parents marker. I had to go to my car and get what I needed. When I returned I saw him and his new wife at my parents grave. My ex was cleaning off my parents marker and placing my flowers perfectly in a way that would do them proud. At one point his wife noticed that I had not left yet and I could see her say something to him …(I’m guessing like lets go, she is still here) but he looked my way and just kept doing what he was doing as I sat there and waited. I was touched that he took the time to pay my parents respect. After all he loved them and they loved him. We were married for 17 years, and had two beautiful children together. I will always care about him and he will have the special place in my heart as the father of my children. He was not a horrible man, he was just a horrible man for me. And in fairness to him I was not the right woman for him. In my head I wanted us to be a family and close but not as husband and wife. I wanted him to know that I appreciated his role in our childrens lives. I wanted us to be able to share a history and our children as friends. Knowing we did the right thing by letting each other move on.
Theres more…yesterday I saw him and his family again at the grave site. I started to go to his mothers grave after leaving flowers there and forgetting to take the picture I wanted as a keepsake of my kids grandmothers grave showing her birth and death date. As I pulled up his wife noticed me..And I was very surprised to see them there. I did not know they had come while I was gone at my parents grave…I was embarrassed being so close to their intimate moment at his mothers grave. I thought well she saw you, just say hello. I did, she barely said hello back and her body language let me know she did not want me there. She did not want to be cordial. I left. I went back over to my own parents grave. I was sad. Sad that this all could have been so different. We could be kind to one another. We could be open to the possibility that we could enjoy and share our families in a different way. But we are separate now and cold. Weddings and births of babies will come in the future and their will be this separate ugly tension between the what was and what is. I don’t like it one bit. I cannot change it or do anything about it.And your message about your ex reminded me of how powerful that bond can be when you share a life and children with someone. How that bond stays, but in a different way. And if you are blessed enough you can change what was into something better. And you can be friends, and both love your kids together. That was always my dream. And your post made me realize that I am still sad about it, even though I am happily married to my husband now for 16 years. I was very sad yesterday and what you wrote made me realize exactly why. Thank you…and sorry this was so long.
Oh Ro, this comment left me weeping. It is a beautiful moment… and I love that your ex was being so loving and that you both were being so kind and I’m sorry that his new wife still doesn’t see how nice it would be if you could be kind to each other. Self-esteem often gets in the way unfortunately. When my ex-husband had a major surgery I wrote him an email that said, “We are here if you need us (me and the kids). We are always family. And his ex-wife wrote back. “Don’t contact us again, I’m his family now.”
It hurt. I had raised a family with this man for 20 years. Ups and downs we had been a couple. I knew that he would no longer be my husband, but she was worried I would somehow usurp her place as wife even though I had been with my new significant other for over eight years at the time. I would have loved to have had a woman that would have been more communal and kind to me and my children.
I think we will ALWAYS have feelings about our former mates. I think it would be odd if we didn’t. It has been over 15 years and I still have all sorts of feelings on-and-off about my ex-husband. What I know for sure, is if we are honest about it, if we talk about it with trusted friends, we are able to process and move forward. I can see your compassion and that is a gift that few have…
Know that I’m thinking of you today. 🙂 D.
You’re right. It’s definitely tough to separate the two some days, though.
I still struggle with this in regards to all sorts of things… I believe this one will be one of my life long battles… D.:)
When I made the painful decision to “break up” with my best friend, I kept thinking about my promise to him not to give up on him and I stayed in the relationship longer than I would have otherwise. I realized, only a short time ago that I haven’t given up on him as much as I have “let go” of him.
All break-ups hurt… even when you know that it just wasn’t working for you… you have to let him go… and find some solace… there may be a time in the future where you two can find a friendship again… but for now… you need peace…. D.
I have a hard time with the difference and did during the divorce. I felt like it was giving up or even ” giving in” and I was too stubborn … To just let go.
Great post. A lot to consider here!
Great distinction. Thanks
I had such a hard time differentiating for awhile…. my competitive side I guess refused to admit there was a difference 🙂 D.