In the midst of my separation and divorce, I was unable to emotionally detach from the situation, so full of pain and despair, it was too difficult to accept that the love I once shared with my husband would now change forever.
I was so attached to my idea of the perfect picture: Us… as a couple… in love…for the rest of our lives.
I was heartbroken, and therefore, had lost all perspective at what time could bring.
Today, I am no longer in love with my husband but I am still able to love him as my former mate, the father of my children, and my dear friend.
It takes time to allow love to change from being in love, to platonic love, and though I never wanted us to grow apart, I find solace in knowing that we still love each other, still care about each other, still share moments together with our children, even though we have both now moved on to new relationships and new possibilities.
It wasn’t my plan… I had to accept and let go of my vision for our relationship… and have faith that my Higher Power would lead us both to a place where we could forgive each other, and love each other, as family… and friends… who have shared a joint history that deserves to be honored and acknowledge.
“Dear God, thank you for bringing love to my life. Help me to allow time to heal my pain and bring me perspective. Help me to find the good in all of my relationships instead of focusing on the bad.”
So well said and I feel all of this.
The pain, the loss , and the joy of love in the past.
I don’t know with my situation if I would wish to see or speak with my ex again.All situations are different.
But I won’t forget that regardless of the horrid events of the past few years, we did at one time love each other so deeply. And I can take that with me– it’s so hard to find.
Most of all ; I will miss my best friend I trusted above all…
My sentiments exactly. Our divorce was not my choice or my doing but it has been done. I saw him this past weekend at my granddaughter’s first birthday party. We were civil to each other. Throughout the whole ordeal we have been eerily civil. My sister asked me afterwards how I felt seeing him….did I have that old feeling of longing and wanting to be with him again. I was so proud of myself and my growth and told her with full confidence and honesty…..no I did not have that feeling. I searched for it but it wasn’t there. I love my new life now. I can’t believe I’ve made it to this place of acceptance but I have. At this point, I would rather venture forward into a new relationship than fall back into that old one. My sister said she was very proud of how I handled the party. I know it was God’s grace and mercy (and my Nana’s guiding spirit!!) that got me through this whole ordeal with my sanity and freedom intact. The CD that got me through so many sleepless, tear-filled nights was Hero by Kirk Franklin….specifically the songs “Afterwhile” and “First Love”. But all the songs are wonderful and soothing. Even today when I listen to that CD I shed a few tears at where I was during that time…..it all comes rushing back. For all the women on here just beginning this arduous journey….trust me it gets easier after a while. It may not seem like the tears will ever stop but they do. I promise. Have a great day!!!
Lisa I love this… thank you so much for sharing here with everyone… (and I love that Nana was guiding you!) Sharing that you are making it through and that you love your new life is so valuable when people are in the struggle and can’t see that light yet… I feel the same way… I see today that I am living my truest life after my divorce 🙂 D.
LOL!!! When I tell you my Nana was guiding me I truly believe that!!! One day when I meet Teresa the Long Island Medium I am so sure she will confirm that for me!!! I want to be a guiding light for women going through this. My co-worker and sites like this were a guiding light for me and like the song says….”So when the pain has come to end, and now your heart is whole again, help someone who needs to know that it won’t hurt them afterwhile.”
When you say you are living your truest life after the divorce, I feel that exact same way!! There was no room for this self-expression I am living now within my marriage. My photography passion is growing faster than I can shoot and edit!!!
Just got back in from travel today and catching up on posts … Lisa and D, I was feeling exhilarated and was also moved to tears ( which I don’t do often:) )
There is so much to take with a person “along the way” – and I can now acknowledge the gift of real love in my marriage , and can walk on now.
Wow to both of you , and I hope to continue learning .
Oh I LOVE hearing that Patricia!!!! 🙂 D.