In the past, I saw detachment as a form of isolation: a way to create my own island.
I believed if I separated myself from a bad situation, if I stonewalled, if I found a way to keep distance, that I was detaching and becoming spiritually stronger by doing so but…
What I found was that I couldn’t let go, put my personal feelings, my opinions, aside and truly detach.
I was constantly driven to react by every unkind word or action and what I found was no matter how much I “detached” I was still losing my peace of mind… my balance.
Because it wasn’t detachment… I was acting as a martyr… removing myself physically from the situation but mentally choosing to suffer again-and-again and punish others for what I considered their “poor behavior.”
Today, I must let go of my resentments, my regrets, and practice detaching with love.
It isn’t easy.
But I have to learn that another’s words and actions say more about what they are going through than it does about their relationship with me. I must learn to not take everything personally and work on my own well-being while allowing another to work through the issues and struggles on their own spiritual path.
“Dear God, help me to detach with love. Help me to let go of my anger, resentment and pain, and focus on my own spiritual journey.”
This is a concept I am struggling with as well. Being strong enough to detach so that I may work on my healing. It’s not as easy to do when you also care so much about the other persons well being. But I suppose in order to be my best I must take care of me and he must take care of himself.
Yes you are so right. Once, during my marriage, my husband suffered a major addiction relapse. It was very difficult because I knew what I had to do was to completely let him go, hold firm to my boundaries, and send him on his way until he hit bottom. That night I was so afraid that I would never see my husband alive again. I remember praying and talking to friends that had more experience, strength, and hope than I did at the time… and then a sense of calm came over me and I detached with love and compassion and prayed that he would be kept safe. I had spent over a year fighting to control him… to get him sober again… yet when I finally did detach and let go… he hit bottom and was in rehab within the week. It is amazing what happens when we step back and take care of ourselves and detach with loving-kindness.