There are only so many times that I can ask for what I want before I must stop asking.
My divorce taught me that no matter how I may love someone… no matter how I may want to be with that person… if I keep asking for what I need and their answers or their actions continually express the word, “No…” I must come to terms with the relationship and decide if I can carry on with it.
How much am I willing to take?
How much am I willing to give?
Have I set up a relationship where I am constantly the nurturer? The giver? Allowing someone else to take from me at all costs?
If I am left wanting… spent… worn from sharing so much of myself… then where do I go from there?
I know now that I have to love myself enough to let go of what is no longer working for me and find a relationship where my love is valued and cherished, sought after by the person I choose to share my life with today, and that together, we will build a mutual loving relationship based on honesty and respect.
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“Dear God, help me to let go of old behaviors. Help me to move forward in faith and know that my future holds a better life for me.”
Daily Divorce Meditations 
Wow. I could have highlighted this entire post. Thank you for verbalizing what is going on inside of my head. I am at the crossroads of confusion and worn out.
Yes it always amazes me after so many years of spiritual footwork how I some times catch myself back in this place where I am nurturing everyone but myself! 🙂 D
Boy old habits die hard, if they can be killed at all. I guess there’s value in knowing that for the sake of being prepared for the long haul.
I find that it comes in waves…. usually something leads me to a relationship similar to my past… The difference now? I catch the pattern very quickly and I work towards changing it almost immediately. It is a long haul for sure…. but you will see the progress! 🙂 D.
Good point about the feelings coming in waves. It seems obvious when processed intellectually but, from the emotional perspective, I can imagine it could catch someone quite by surprise. In either case, it’s good to sort of prepare – if that’s even possible.
Yes you are so right! 🙂
It took many conversations with close family and friends to make me realize that , even years ago, I was overdoing the care taking , and was truly living with a “taker”.
It wasn’t always that way, it was true love in the beginning, but that vanished in the later years .
I have to be so careful going forward to recognize what’s best for me and someone I care about.
Part of me saw what was coming , but part of me just didn’t want to give up.
Patricia, read that David Richo book that I have posted under Good Resources on my site… I think you will REALLY like it… I got a lot out of that book. 🙂 D.
Hi DD –
I’m working on my next step … My roommate of three years moved last week and I’m going to fly solo here now . And it’s been 40 years since I’ve had a place ( or seems like a moment ☺️) to myself.
I haven’t felt such peace in so long.
It’s interesting that the care taking aspect started to develop here as well but I improved a bit 🙂
Hope all is well with you
Fantastic! Boy are you going to LOVE having that place on your own. All is well here… I love hearing that you are full of peace and on the other side of the past! 😀