I have always had a hard time accepting the word, “No” as an answer.
As a child, I learned that if someone told you, “No,” if you pushed and pleaded long enough, you could usually get them to change their answer to a “Yes.”
There were no set boundaries or rules.
If you couldn’t get them to change their mind, then you went to the next person in the house, and begged and pleaded with them until they said “Yes.”
This was how my family operated.
You could always find someone to say “Yes” and get your way in the end, because no one took the time to openly communicate or agree upon anything.
So when my husband first said that he wanted a divorce, I didn’t take him seriously. Over the many years we had been together, we had both been able to turn an absolute “NO!” into a “Yes” If we just pushed each other long enough or hard enough.
I believed that if I could manipulate the situation just right… once again… I could get him to change his mind because, he had changed it so many times before.
I didn’t even stop to think if it was truly the right decision for me.
I just didn’t want to hear, “No.”
I didn’t want to accept his answer.
I spent months trying to change his mind until one day, we had a phone conversation that forever changed me.
I was trying to convince my husband to come back when he said, “I’m sorry but I just don’t have the ability to get over everything we’ve both been through. I’m so sorry but I can’t. My answer is no.”
It was the first time I truly heard a “No” in my life and accepted it.
There was something in the way he said it: a resolve in his voice, the way he had spoken it kindly.
He was not available to me at this time.
He was not capable of giving me what I wanted or needed.
If a person says, “No” I need to respect their decision.
I have to remember that for whatever reason, it isn’t working for them and therefore, it isn’t going to work for me.
No matter how hard I push to get a different answer, that person will still feel the absolute “No” inside of them.
Do I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who feels “No” when I want them to feel “Yes?”
Is that the type of relationship I want to focus all of my time and energy on?
Next time, I will accept the “No” and realize that I may be standing in the way of my true “Yes.”
“Dear God, help me to accept things as they are. If someone doesn’t want to do something, guide me away from trying to force them into doing it.”